She has certian emotional defense mechanisms that healthy people don't use. There were issues with sex, control, attachment, etc... that I never understood. Sometimes I felt like I was banging my head against a wall trying to connect with her.
She had no intimate relationships at all in her life. Me and her mom were her closest friends, and I personally never felt like she would allow herself to be emotionally vulnerable with me. She had these walls.
These issues were present when we were dating, and through our entire marriage. Until this last year, I never really understood how damaged she was, or how difficult it would be to work through these problems.
I don't know enough about psychology or sexual abuse to really understand what is going on. But she is not normal. Framing her behaviour on in this light does help with forgivenss and empathy.
I wish she would be honest with herself and get some professional counseling. She is in denial that there are any issues. Everyone who knows her recognizes these quirks in her personality, it is not just my perception.
Why does she only have male friends? Why does she fill her life with so much busyness? Why can't she have any truly intimate relationships? Why does she have no joy in sex? Why is there this constant depression and unhappiness, when on the surface she seems incredibly blessed? Why is she so pessamistic? Why does she settle for relationships with men who have nothing to really offer her?
Sexaul abuse may explain some of this, but who really knows.
