Hiya Lefty. I know it seems sometimes as if people are bashing you.
Just a couple of things, if I may. I have been here for 6 years trying to pay it forward.
When I first came, I just couldnt get it. I just couldnt. I always say I came kicking and screaming into db.
I tried real hard to get what they were saying. Really, I did.
But for the longest time, I just argued back.
Until two very special people started posting to me. They kept at me, challenging me, testing me, forcing me to look inside.
I was so angry. Why couldnt they just understand what I felt? Why couldnt they just leave me alone to wallow?
But, bless them, they wouldnt give up. That floored me. These strangers who believed in this so much and who were growing to believe in me.
I thought, if they were willing to take the time to post to me,they must care. If they were willing to stick by me, then I must be worthy of that.
And so my real journey began. I started to look inside. I started to hear their words and they were beginning to make sense.
Once I stopped fighting, and started listening, I began to see it, too.
It was tough to swallow, some of the stuff they said. Really tough. But man, am I glad they did.
So, take a moment and really think about it. And then, be brutally honest with yourself.
What happened with me is, even when I wasnt totally sure, I acted the changes I knew I needed to make. Each and every day, I strived to be that person. Some days I made it, some I didnt. But that was always the goal.
Soon, they became a part of who I was becoming.
Trust me when I tell you that these people care a great deal. They want you to become your best self.
They are amazing, really.
I used to look at people who I admired, their characteristics, their traits. I prayed and read and prayed some more.
This is a gift you have been given. Do not squander it.
Take a moment and look within. See what things need changing. And then get to gettin.
As far as your w, well, you can want all day to fix her. Doesnt mean you can. It isnt your job. It is His.
She needs to walk this journey. What is your job is to let her.
Her life, her choice.
Lovingly let her go for now. I know this is so hard. I do. The thing is that when you hold on too much, the struggle is so much harder.
I talk often about my roadmap. I figured out mine when this started. I wanted to figure out what I wanted to see when I looked back on all this.
I knew that I wanted to act with dignity, courage, strength and honor. I knew I wanted to do nothing to interfere with the relationship between my son and his father. And I wanted to know that I did whatever I could to save my marriage.
With this roadmap, I was able to figure out how to act, what to do, who to be.
Make YOUR roadmap, Lefty. You will never be sorry you did.
