My posts ended up out of order....this was the update. I do have another update, but will hold off until after our meeting today.
Quote:
I came home on Saturday evening, he was very polite. He has been incredibly busy working as well as two side jobs, and has been going hard 14-16 hours per day. He looked exhausted. He has also done something to his shoulder. I grabbed the balm, and worked out the kinks for him. I swear he was simply leaning into the touch and just enjoying my hands on him. It was nothing sexual, just that contact with another. He slept on the couch.
Last night, he put in another brutal day, came by, I fed him(because he is not eating) and he made yet another comment about how good it is that he has freedom.
I lost it
I told him that every time he hammers it home about his joy in his new life, he is hurting me and that he needed to go. He threw a little bit of a tantrum, but we ended up talking. Really talking.
He admitted that he is determined to keep that wall up, or he will backslide into coming home and back to the same old crap.
I told him that I was not asking him to come home and that I agreed that there is no way we could ever go back to that.
He said that I am still holding onto hope and he cannot go back to that.
I told him that the last time we separated, I was determined that there was only one path, we would get back together and that was it. We didn't fix us, only the marriage. This time, I'm working on me, and I am going to see where my path leads. I refuse to close off any path, because that sure did not work the last time.
He said, we are broken and it cannot be fixed.
I told him that I disagreed. We have all this love, and we let all this crap pile up on it.
He said, no we are broken.
I said, no if we were broken, you wouldn't love me anymore.
The look on his face....he said he hadn't thought of it that way,
I do believe I made him do what he has been avoiding for the last month. And that is think about our situation. He left, i got a big hug.
Today, instead of the usual gruff hello, I got a good morning sunshine, how did you sleep? He had to stop by to grab something, and has retreated back behind his wall, but it seems a little thinner.
I believe I need to walk very carefully here. Patience patience patience.
