All Out of Options

[MyNewStrength]

I meant on DB

[MrBond]

What do you mean he's attacking you?

Do you mean physically or just yelling or are you hurt by just his words?

You need to stand up and get up. You aren't going to do yourself or your situation any good if you roll up into a ball and hide from this. You can do it.

[MyNewStrength]

He is being a bully...tearing into me..saying that it will not end up good for me if I contest. I didn't say that I would contest. I told him to give me a few days to read the agreement . He attacked me verbally, spouting that I would be sorry for not working with him.

I don't want to fool up into a ball, but when he like this, I can't think straight....I have never seen him be a bully...it is a little frightening.

I know I need to strong, I just don't know what to say to him to get him off of my back.

[TryingToDo180]

Is there any way that he can move out instead of you? Do either of you have any family nearby? It is best that he moves out as you haven't done anything wrong. I've just read your posts that you wrote last night and I am shocked and upset for you.
Either you or him need to get out of there as soon as poss. He is affecting your mental health and wellbeing and is making you frightened of him.
I wouldn't speak to his boss though. Is there someone else with some sort of authority that you can talk to? This is emotional abuse and there are organisations out there that will help you. Try and speak to one of them. I think they will possibly be open 24 hours. I know the one in this country is called Woman's Aid, but I don't know about anymore. If you've got a lawyer, maybe make an appt to see him as well. There is helplines out there and you need to speak to someone ASAP.
You're right when you say he's being a bully. I hope to goodness that you can get yourself out of this mess and away from his behaviour

[willbwell]

I don't think it would go well for you if you talk with h's boss.
I agree with Trying. sounds like bullying and e abuse. perhaps if you say you are willing to discuss with him but only in a calm manner. Perhaps you would feel more comfortable talking in a public place. tell h to meet you at a coffee shop and you will discuss. It will be hard to keep emotions in check. I know . I have been there too.

[MyNewStrength]

Thank you. It was just a thought, but I will not contact his commanding officer.

I am doing a lot of thinking. He is foreign to me....not the person I loved and married. He is selfish, absorbed by his own thoughts without regard to the affect he is having on me. I could understand if I was horrible to him, but honestly, I have been very kind in my words and deeds towards him, even now.

I need to detach quickly.

[MyNewStrength]

Okay, just a quick update. He knocks on door this morning because he has to get his uniform for duty this morning. He has already left, but he comes over to the bed and kisses me on the forehead and apologized for his behavior last night. He said he was very rude and terrible to me. He said he was drunk and very tired and upset about having duty this weekend. He continued to apologize. I didn't say anything because I was still half awake.

I am actually glad that he is gone for the day. I can now regroup my thoughts get moving on doing things for myself today. I am going for a run, then stop for coffee.

I have got to get myself out of this funk!

[MrBond]

To be honest, you really have to be much stronger than that. He argued with you and you folded. Get your head into a stronger place.

I have to ask. Do you have problems with self-esteem? Have either of you been M'd before?

[MyNewStrength]

MrBond. You are right. I have to be strong, but I didn't accept his apology. I was quiet. I just didn't want to engage in any discussion with him.

5 years ago, I was an angry person, I yelled and screamed at everything, work, family, marriage. I was dealing with huge issue after the death of my baby sister, but I got an IC and have been able channel my anger in other ways over the years since.

I have never been married before, but I do have a strong personality. It's just that with my H, especially since getting help after the death of my sister, I don't engage in arguments or try to avoid them.

I am a consulting manager by day and most folks know me as a strong and competent manager, very direct. I guess my home life is different.

[TryingToDo180]

There's some people that you just can't argue with or answer back. I used to have this problem with my parents, but now I think they've pushed me about for too long and I've started putting my foot down. It takes a lot of confidence and courage to get to this stage and it's only been since my H left that I've gained more confidence and able to confront them over matters. At the moment I am going through an angry stage with my mum because I'm fed up of her controlling behaviour.