better to love or be loved?

[willbwell]

s 17 bday is today. h will come over this eve for the bbq I have planned for s. s17 has about 10 friends coming over.
h had been out of town all week. h stopped by last night to see kids. I have now asked h to let me know when he is stopping by, no more just showing up.
was paying bills last week( new for me, h has done in past) came across another lie by h. h said he was in one city, charge from another city(oops happens to be city where ow is)This is during the time that he was 'back home' I just hate the lies
I need to read up on this lying business. Would never expect h to be such a lier . I don't even like saying the word.

Have to go to a meeting for s17 team this AM. h will also go. I am always friendly to h. perhaps my 180 should be to ignore him. that is so hard for me to do! we both still have our rings on. we sit together. I know h is in an active affair and it does me no good to show disappointment.

This is what is confusing to me. on the one hand I am bright and cheerful on the other, he gets away with his a. I want to be friendly, but its like I am giving him permission...

Any feedback anyone??