Wonka, thank you for the reply, I do appreciate all the help I can get. Yes, I'm wound up pretty tight right now, I feel like I've had people swinging two-by-fours at my head all day in this thread.
It had to be a tough day for you today and not fun at all when people seem to be coming at you from all directions. On top of this, you're worried about stuff in your life and about W. Very understandable from your vantage point of view. (((Lefty)))
I have a lot of things that are weighing on my mind:
I'm deeply worried about my wife's health. A perfectly natural reaction from a caring H.
I want to be able to make sure she gets the treatment she needs and is currently not getting. This one is a toughie. A rational, caring person would want make sure their spouse is in good health by helping them along with their check ups and follow-ups. Remember that W is an adult and is making her own choices. Whether you like it or not, it is her CHOICE.
I've realized I'm a "fixer," and not being able to fix this is driving me nuts.Generally, men are fixers by nature. It can be frustrating to have to sit on the sidelines and not doing a darn thing! Again, you're going have let W be. She knows and has heard from you regarding your concern for her well-being. Right?
The counterintuitive nature of DBing drives me nuts—I worry that I am not doing enough and that my wife is expecting something from me that I'm not giving her. You're mindreading W...by thinking that she's "expecting" something from you. You just don't know unless she explicitly spells out her thoughts to you. She isn't interested in your help at all as evidenced by her rebuffs of your offers.
The occasional text(s) and then days/weeks of radio silence from the wife is driving me nuts.Continue working on that detachment from your toolbox.
I have been suffering through a health scare regarding my heart.Must have been scary to you. Glad to hear that the tests came out for you!
Right now is I can hear the clock ticking.. Another court date in less than month.That sense of urgency is an illusion of your own mind's construction. What urgency? It is just a court date. I speak from personal experience. It will come and go. Don't get too caught up on this mystic 'timeline'
We're rapidly approaching the first anniversary of my dad's death and the holiday season—the first without my wife and my father.You can honor your father's memory in your own special way. I will soon when the 1-year anniversary approaches at the end of this month. Yep, it can be an emotional milestone. Dig deep and find that inner strength in you to carry on.
Perhaps you might want to think about taking a walk out in nature or near a body of water. These elements do a wonderful job in stripping away one's worries, nerves, concerns from you...and replenishing your spirit.
1) Work on your detachment.
2) Might want to consider sending a small card to W sometime next week...a "just thinking of you" card and sign it simply "Praying for you, Lefty."
Please be forewarned that W may NOT respond to your card. Ms. Wonka did not respond to my very occasional cards for a long, long time. I just STFU and went on about my business.
