Make sure you totally get what Bond is writing about before you act! He is sharp as a blade and hitting the point - but also short in words (Sorry Bond!)
Don't act before you are certain!
Post your questions get the answers and then act!!
I am happy to read about you applying 48 hours!
F
Me:44 W:43 D7, D5 (S11 from other R)
T: 8y - not M ILYB: 8. Mar 2013 W moved: 1. Aug 2013 LRT: 20. Aug 2013 _______________________________ Do or do not – there’s no try.
Thanks Mr Bond and F. I do get what you are saying Mr Bond, but, I think that after NC for so long, me contacting the W for having a friend (whatever type) driving the car will be detrimental to the whole sitch. I can quite truthfully say, her reply will simply be "I can allow anyone to drive the car". It also could lead to her rushing the solicitor and asset selling. Which at this stage, hasn't replied to my letter in over six weeks.
I don't at this time of my sitch want to force any asset selling, so I need to be careful of what I say or do. If we go back a week or two when I wrote about the bosses talk, I could simply imagine the W saying I am crazy going on about someone else driving our car. In all honesty, if the friend has an accident, then the W or friend will be liable for any excess charges and costs. While I don't like the situation about the friend driving, it is something that goes on with many thousands of people daily (driving someone else's car). Myself included. The insurance down here may be different to what is in your country. Our car insurance is in our names, but covers any driver. You only have to advise the insurance if another driver uses the car more than 12 times a year. The insurance for both vehicles is renewed in December. I had already discussed and checked with the insurance company how to separate the cars and their individual insurances.
I suppose my comment was more to do with how the friendship is coming along, rather than what do I do.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
I hear what you're saying about the confrontation. However, maybe a gentle reminder to her about the insurance. I'll leave this to you as to what to say
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
TTD180: It's not even the confrontation, but the stopping going dark to talk about something that probably really isn't an issue. It's an old car, it has insurance and I think talking about it to the W is going to bring up more issues and hassles than it really is worth. It is more just me talking about what I saw yesterday, how again, it just seems that the W and friend are just so comfortable with these things that go on. The friend has her own car, a lot nicer than the W's. The friend drove the W's car last holidays almost 1000kms, because the friend gets car sick unless she is driving. So wouldn't you think they would drive that distance in the friends car? Maybe it is just me mindreading, who knows anymore. It is just I see these things and it makes me see them as a couple. The way they do things, doesn't come across as just friends. Again I wish I just knew if it is a relationship. It might not change my long term goal, but it would put my mind at ease with what I am dealing with. Nearly all the other sitchs on this forum know what the WAS is involved in: whether an affair, MLC or something else. I just seem to be completely out of the loop with what W is doing and why the behaviour or lack of any contact/interest. She organises a solicitor to split assets, I reply and give 2 weeks for a counter reply and nothing after 6 weeks. What gives? She wants/needs a hug 6 weeks ago when we met, she finally showed some emotion, then nothing still. I just simply struggle with which way to go, to contact or not to contact, to allow the W to run the show or for me to force the issue (solicitor). I think at this stage, I am going to wait until the transfer request comes in (12 days), then I will determine what my next point of action is. I did get a clue from a family member that the SIL is coming up to the country for holidays, and she and the W are going away to a further country place. With or without the friend I don't know. Again I worry that she is ignoring our sons, totally opposite of what she has always done. I know: do not worry about what the W is doing. I cannot control her. It's not the only or all the thing on my mind, but it does make me thing. It doesn't control my day to day life, but I cannot get rid of the thinking about her. I am trying.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
You might want to pick your battles carefully. You certainly don't want to die on the car insurance hill. Right? We all need to examine and reassess our actions throughout our own sitches and adjust accordingly. We don't want to come across as petty and nitpicking to the WASes which only will serve as a reinforcement in their own minds that they're 'right' for leaving us.
Wonka, thank you, I am with you on this. Actually using my head for once before acting. I think it is a battle that is not worth being part of.
*****Ok tell me I am silly/stupid/insane/crazy, but I really want to send a text to the the W saying "I miss you heaps". I am applying the 48hr rule, before doing so.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Good idea HWA to apply the 48 hour rule. I personally do not think its such a problem to say that to your W at this point. You have given her heaps of space and initiated no contact for a long period of time, its not like you have smothered her at all. You know, sometimes you have to take that leap of faith, and nothing else has worked so its worth a try IMHO. I did similar, and it did have the desired effect for my sitch. It is a tough one, as long as you are prepared for the worst too.
I agree with Galbaby here It is a leap of faith though and you need to be prepared for the negative response as well as the positive. If you're mentally prepared for that then go for it Good luck with whatever you decide to do We're all here for you to give you sympathy should you need it.
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
