CB- you are onto something, I am pretty darn sure her ACTIONS are saying something. And I am a "word" or literal person too, so I can see how maybe W is reluctant to SAY anything until she knows for sure her decision. She knows, consciously or otherwise, that I am a literal person and doesn't want to give me false hope, or fears me thinking all is well and start having expectations (ala Sandi2), since she does have her own work to continue to do. So I keep note of the actions, the demeanor, less so the words, though I do want to hear them, lol.
FY- whenever you fly yourself out here...it might be pretty even because though I have the altitude acclimation advantage, you seem the long term bicyclist, so your legs have the advantage...
FC- I agree with you, and because I am seeing improvement, effort from her, slow as I may think it is, it IS movement. That's why the expiration date (W wanted the summer to think about it) has passed and I am not yet heading to L office. Just sitting and seeing what happens. I like FY's response.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Just remembered that it's been 7 months since end of PA, 6 since end of last significant EA (both as far as I know from her words), so maybe the OP drug withdrawal is beginning to fade? And maybe she is still seeing if these changes of mine are permanent (jeez, I am a horrible actor, much less sustain a "character" for 18 months 24x7, honey...I think they are permanent, lol).
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
My H moved out...your W's are home, the gender is different. I think some guys, most guys, need that physical connex and H was longing to have that back. I hate to say it, but it can be a motivating factor.
Doesn't sound like some of these MLC W's need "it" so much.
Also, from my sitch,, I didn't really feel as much "limbo" without movement. Looking back, my H steadily moved toward distancing us and wanting D. It seemed forever, at the time, but looking back, it was really not that long.
But we had the three years of depression and anger leading up to replay. During that time period there were good and bad times. And I'm sort of glad I didn't find DB then. I don't think I could've waited so long.
It's so worth it now. There's a bit of me inside that thinks I deserve to be treated like a queen for all I put up with! I know he was in a lot of pain and agony but I wasn't him. And the kind of M you want to come back to is a stronger, improved version. Not a wishy-washy...I-couldn't-find-anything-better-than-you version.
My H said that .... I looked and couldn't find anything better....but he acts like I'm the treasure beyond measure. Pretty much anyway.
I do miss the limerence part ... I was hoping that would be part of the coming-back reconnection package, but it wasn't. But it's more satisfying than that.
Just wanted to add my 2 cents from this side of it.
I really admire anyone standing one more day, one more week, in their M in limbo. It's a real character-building experience!
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
Why don't you old boys just come out and say you're gonna walk your bikes up?
Uh huh? Yeah? Exactly. Prove it!
M38,H39 M:16Y BD:8/12 OWDB:11/12 S:11/12-5/13 "Temp" home:6/13 OW dropped:9/13 "I love you":12/13 H ring on:2/14 Depression back:5/15 "I'm done:" 7/15 H moved out: 3/16 H moved back: 12/16 Working on us: 3/17
You know rH, if I had known it was MLC, and all that I know now about how long it takes, back in 2009 when the first round of this started up, I don't know what my choice would have been...
I am thankful I didn't figure it out until 2011 after BD...the illusion of the 1st round being just a garden variety EA with old BF and of short duration was blessing in disguise...lol.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
I'm the same. As good as it is now; I don't think I'd go through it again. I think there surely must be other people out there that could provide some companionship and happiness.
I told a GF recently, if H becomes dissatisfied again, I think I'll pack him his suitcase, walk him to the door and say "have a good life". I don't think I'd go through this again.
I say that now...but it could be different then. I think we grow when we learn compassion for someone else in the way we have to in these sitches. But there is a limit. None of us are truly Forever Young! We don't know how long we have left to live! We have to learn balance in this dance.
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
I told a GF recently, if H becomes dissatisfied again, I think I'll pack him his suitcase, walk him to the door and say "have a good life". I don't think I'd go through this again.
Agreed...I think that is one of the compassion and boundary things we learn, for ourselves, and ultimately, them.
But we never know until we are there, do we? That is another lesson taken.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
