Thank you for your advice! He does seem very skeptical so I’ll try your suggestions. I need to work on being consistent, for sure.
When I’m doing things to be nice to him, he always questions my motives…maybe consistency will help that, too.
Accuray -
This makes SO much sense: “This is a very common thing for a WAS to do. They are conflicted and confused about what they want, sometimes they're scared about the steps they are taking and are afraid you might decide to pull the rug out from under them and leave yourself.”
H bounces back and forth between seeming very sure and confident in his decisions (and acting like I can just go screw off) and then, being very insecure and wanting to know where I’ve been and what I’m up to and saying nice things to me.
Good advice on being “unphased” by his actions/reactions either way. It is so hard!!!
And, I need to work on not being seen as his adversary, no matter what he’s doing or saying. Good advice!
HS – How did you handle this with your spouse? My husband is still denying an “affair”…and while all my evidence is circumstantial, I’m pretty sure there’s someone else he’s at least confiding in, if not more.
Did you keep doing Acts of Service….or just detach and work on you? I don’t want to ignore what he thinks he needs/wants completely….especially since he’s still at home and is sometime interested in working on “us”…..but I am trying to find a balance between that and me getting on with my own life right now, too.
VENTING - I hate feeling like this!!!!!! And it is SO freakin’ unfair!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!! Ok. I’m better. Lol.
Today’s update - I really messed up yesterday. He has a second (pay-as-you go) cell phone because when I first found out about the EA last October (2012), I looked up his cell phone records because he was lying about the OW…claimed that the text I saw was the first (turns out it was over 2000+ texts to her in a 2 week period).
I haven’t looked at them since last November, and won’t because I don’t want to be that upset anymore! I NOW know that snooping will only hurt me and change nothing with him, except to make things worse. However, due to my crossing that line, he feels like he has to have another phone.
Anyway, he is on his second phone, texting, ALL of the time…and it gets annoying. We were at our son’s football game and he was on his other phone the whole time and I made a comment about that. Also, when I do have to text him about the kids…all I ever get in return is “K”…..no matter what I text him.
He writes way longer texts to everyone else….so I also brought this up. It stinks that his work buddies he’s know a year or less (and whoever else) get long, fun messages from him while I get “K”….
Anyway, it didn’t go very well and he’s still kinda mad at me today. I feel like I “undid” all my progress to this point by bringing up something that upsets me, but that is kinda stupid! I wish I was better at just letting stuff like that go.
Then, I worried about it all this morning. Argh!
Nothing I say is going to make him stop using the other phone, etc. and I know this so why do I fret and get all anxious about it?
My heart is doing summersaults today just because I am making myself all anxious about things that I have no control over.
