All Out of Options

[TryingToDo180]

As Cadet and Accuray said, your M is gone. Too many people on these forums get stuck because they're trying to cling to a M that is simply dead and gone, never to return. DB'ing is about letting go of that old M, and making yourself the best person you can be with the hopes of maybe attracting your spouse back some day into a new relationship and eventually a new marriage.

That is a light bulb moment for me AS It has finally sunk in that that is what I must do. Crikey, how many months have I dden on here? lol. I think that it is the way you said it AS, it makes complete sense now, thank you

[MyNewStrength]

Thank you. I feel like I am making concessions by agreeing to talk about an agreement.

Here is what I propose to say:

"I am sorry that you are taking this step toward dissolving our marriage. And I understand that you want to quickly get a separation agreement in place. Right now, I just need a few days, so can we discuss next weekend so that I can be prepared to work with you."

[Not Quitting]

Thank you. I feel like I am making concessions by agreeing to talk about an agreement.

Here is what I propose to say:

"I am sorry that you are taking this step toward dissolving our marriage. And I understand that you want to quickly get a separation agreement in place. Right now, I just need a few days, so can we discuss next weekend so that I can be prepared to work with you."

Sounds good to me. Your validating his POV while also giving yourself time to gather your thoughts.

Hopefully one of the vets on here will also come along and give their opinion on it as well.

Stay strong.

[TryingToDo180]

I agree with NQ here as well sounds good to me as well

[AnotherStander]

That is a light bulb moment for me AS It has finally sunk in that that is what I must do. Crikey, how many months have I dden on here? lol. I think that it is the way you said it AS, it makes complete sense now, thank you

You're very welcome! But I really can't take the credit, I was just paraphrasing concepts that MWD lays out in DR

Here is what I propose to say:

"I am sorry that you are taking this step toward dissolving our marriage. And I understand that you want to quickly get a separation agreement in place. Right now, I just need a few days, so can we discuss next weekend so that I can be prepared to work with you."

I agree with the others that this is well thought out. Try to gather yourself together for when you do meet, treat it like a business transaction. Keep the emotions buried and just discuss the details. I know it's difficult because I went through it with my W at separation, but it's necessary. Before you meet think about how you want to divide things up, go into it prepared. You don't have kids, right? That takes a lot of the complexity out of the conversation.

[MyNewStrength]

Well, when I get home, the Husband tells me he is sick and that he does not want to talk about anything and wants a truce... At this point, I haven't said a word to him. We have dinner, I go to my room. He comes into my bedroom and then announces that he wants me to read the separation agreement tomorrow while he is at reserve duty and that if I do not read it then he will see that as an act of aggression and stalling and he will move out and work through the lawyers.

I feel so threatened. He is being so mean to me and I went to my room. He then knocks on my bedroom door and I open the door and he proceeds to tells me that he that if I do not work with him, then he will move out and it will not end well for me if we go through the lawyers. I haven't done anything and I feel so powerless and devalued that I just cried. I do not know what I did, I did nothing, I said nothing. He said he wanted a truce tonight, but he attacked me after I went to bed.

I did not ay anything and I did nothing to provoke his attack. I just came to bed. I even ordered dinner for him.

Why is this happening? I am so mad, but there is nothing I can say. He is attacking me.....

[MyNewStrength]

Should I leave now and go o a hotel or wait until he leaves for reserve duty before he comes back and spend the night at a hotel tomorrow night? I don't really have nowhere to o except for a hotel.

[MyNewStrength]

I just locked my bedroom door because I think he is so focused on his own thoughts and goals that I am not sure what he will do..

[woody112]

I'm not an expert here by any means, and I really don't think I can offer any valuable advice.

I really do feel for you, so I will do the only thing I can, and pray for you and your husnband.

[MyNewStrength]

All i fell asleep because of all the anger and frustration of this as you all have also experienced. I have a couple of friends but they but have newborns and I really don't want to bother them so yes, I am dealing with this by myself (except for the wonderful support here on MA). I thank you for offering to speak with me.

I am trying to take care of myself, but it is hard. I am hardly eating and I can't get myself to even exercise.....I use to run 4 times a week, well since the bond dropped, nothing. It is even hard to engage in conversation, even at work. People at work have noticed that "I am not myself." I use to laugh, smile, and really talk with colleagues, and my boss, but I feel like no more talk, all work....all business...

I know I don't deserve his treatment of me and I am so perplexed as to how he could treat me so poorly after everything I have done and thought I was to him. I have thought about sending a letter to his command to ask for their help in forcing my ah to stop the affair. He is so prideful that he would hate me for doing that and would see as the "spiteful" wife.

Maybe I should just do what he wants and let the marriage die. I am in so much pain because he reasoning is so illogical. I guess the OW is really pushing him. He has never been threatening with me our entire marriage and he is just someone I do not recognise.