My friend, first let me say, that you did a great job with your conversation.
Nothing wrong with some stuff coming out once in awhile. Wont hurt or break what is going on.
I always say, you feel what you feel. There are no right or wrong feelings.
The key is to feel them, understand why you feel them, and then, when you a ready, make a conscience decision to let them go.
Because if you dont, they hold you back, they weigh you down, they sap your energy. Energy better spent on you.
You may not be ready to forgive right now and that is ok.
Remember that forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you might always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life.
Forgiveness doesn't mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn't minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act.
It is a committment to a process of change and an acceptance of what is.
You do not want to judge him, just as you dont want to be judged and that is all part of it.
You get there when you do. There is not timeline.
You just keep looking inside, keep listening and being still. The answers will come from him and within you.
