Wife just filed for divorce...furious and hates me

[MagicJack]

I appreciate the advice Sandi and Jon, and everyone else too. At this point I am ok with letting the divorce happen. I have been going to our old MC still by myself and talking about anger with him, and since my W told me she wanted a D a lot of my family and friends have come out of the woodwork and told me stories about her acting immature or saying things that they thought were bad, and this has helped me realize that our marriage was never really an all-in effort. For example, on a vacation earlier this year my W and my female cousin were cooking dinner together and my W told my cousin not to tell me that she knew how to cook since she didn't want to cook for me. There were other stories like that too. in the past year she really didn't make an effort to clean much or even to do my laundry when she was doing hers. I've been doing most of the housework and her lifestyle is work and go out with her "friends".

I don't want to get too far into details or bashing her, but what I'm beginning to see now is that I really wasn't that happy being with her. It was comfortable at times, and even happy at times occasionally, and we had a lot of time together, but I didn't really feel that she was my partner, and especially given how crazy the past few months have been and the fact she's been lying to me throughout the course of our 10 year relationship about her ongoing secret "friendship" with her ex-boyfriend and more recently the emotional affair, I feel like I've been disrespected by her a lot. This is one of my triggers for anger as I've learned, being disrespected. I can work on my reaction to it, but I don't want to be with someone who will blithely disrespect me.

She crossed a lot of my boundaries while we were together, both by lying and also by complaining about me to a lot of other people as I am finding out now.

At this point I am prepared to sign divorce paperwork and continue to detach from her. If she wants to make things work she is going to have to make the effort to get back into counseling. If she won't, I don't see her future relationships going well either.