immersed in family crappola - as usual- trying to keep my distance and regroup a bit. '
it's soooo cool this morning- yay.
my neice has been here working on her school projects due - alot- last day or so - a nice break in non-stop my mother junk. her mother taking on the mom-care duties. it feels mighty nice...
sos w/ me and mlc and h (he returns wed if all complete with his aunt and funeral and transport of body, etc.) (will see on that)
i am numb more than anything. hate, anger, death, etc...
too much junk going on here. it's like a bad movie!
anyway- hope all is well with you and your life - you're sounding good - i'm jealous of your resolve & certainty - good on ya mate (crikey- me being australian)
i hope to feel it someday myself. ya gotta love linda's unabashed certainty of her love. i wish i could be so sure of myself- she's a lesson...
anyway- i've got not too much this morning. it's cool and i straightened up house so much - maybe i can actually continue and de-junk my house & life a bit more ... hope springs eternal.
i'm hoping to take a big stand in life to my family. this last episode has been soooo dramatic & traumatic- i'm thinking it's time to somehow try to convey i am no one's fool here.
what i've done out of family feeling - has been by choice up til now- not by their demand. i'm not liking how this whole thing has made me feel- . i am never a head-on collision kind of person- but feeling that i've got to do something here to turn things around a bit and save myself. ick ick ick
who will if i don't??? anyway- should be hair raising and i'm hoping i muster the guts & accomplish something more equitable in this family.
like, what am i afraid of??? why do i find it so hard to speak plainly to my sisters. why is it difficult to say to older sister- "are you kidding me? you come to nj to go to mother's shore house and to work (only) - don't insult our intelligence saying it's to see mother" like, everyone knows it but her- even my mother has said many times if she didn't have that shore place she'd never have seen my sister again for last 40 yrs. who is kidding who? i did suggest yesterday she come sooner - like now and do a "stint" caring for mom- silence..... from her. OR that she forego the shore altogether and stay with mom and give us all a break - AGAIN- SILENCE..... (OH YEAH, she threw in that her younger daughter may be coming up from wash.d.c. - so, like why not make her come to mom's instead of shore and pitch in) again, silence...
i sure hate being such a wimp . no one here is going to do anything uncomfortable unless they have a gun to their head- and i apparently am supposed to be the gun holder!!! wtf?? soooo not me.
oh well- it's all quite a joke- we'll see how it all goes.
anyway- glad for you lately- hope good things with mom & dad continue and that your detachment holds w/h ...
