First of all, she is confused. At this point, I wouldn't believe half of what she says, whether positive or negative. I forget the saying on here, but its something like: "believe only half of what they say or do"
I think most of us on here have thought that our spouses would never lie or deceive, yet it's happened to 99% of us here.
What's even more alarming to me is the gall of her leaving the kids alone with these folks frequently, sometimes without even telling them. That's terribly confusing and damaging to the kids, not to mention downright rude to the hosts.
I tend to take a hardline knowing now that it worked for me, so that this with a grain of salt. Here goes:
At this point, you really need to focus on YOU. Quit worrying about her. Focus on your life, make yourself happy. Get involved in activities, be with friends, enrich yourself by reading books about relationships. Learn more about you. You are the only one responsible for your happiness. Don't rush off the moment she calls or texts. Don't be so quick to respond if she reaches out to the you. The loudest messages are no messages at all - or at least delayed responses. Be mysterious. Be happy.
I'm not saying rush off and dissolve this marriage, it sounds like you have adequate protection in place now with the TRO.
I half-heartedly tried to DB for over 10 months. It was only when I had enough and became hardline, and really put an effort into no more contacting, that things really turned around for my marriage. My wife even confessed to me that she totally flipped out when she knew she couldn't yank my chain anymore and realized I was done.
You've been here before, so you know the drill.
Oh, don't forget to read Sandi's list.
I am posting the link again for you. Read them. Memorize them. Be them!
Me: 43 W: 37 Together: 18 M: 15 D: 8 yrs old ILYBNILWY: March 2011 She Filed for D: August 2011 She moved out: Sept 1, 2011 Reconciled: May 2012 Divorce Case dropped: July 2012
At this point, I wouldn't believe half of what she says, whether positive or negative. I forget the saying on here, but its something like: "believe only half of what they say or do"
Believe none of what they say and only half of what they do.
NTX_Dad is right - you need to focus on you. That is the only factor in your R that you have any control over. Your W needs to figure things out for herself. If we could change our spouses, I'm sure most, if not all, of us on here would be doing that.
Both 50 S14 M 16 yrs (his 3rd; my 1st)
ILYBINILWY - 24 Dec 2012 H moved out - 27 Jun 2013 Legally separated - 6 Sep 2013 Closing the door and changing the locks
No wonder you're confused, my post made no sense. See, it happens.
Don't read more into that than what you know to be true.
And don't take as gospel everything your "friends" are telling you. Lot's of people love the drama of other people, there's a whole reality TV industry which capitalizes on that. Sometimes they even stir the pot when things get boring.
The others are right focus on you, don't judge your wife, don't try to analyze your W. Get busy creating your happy life.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Thanks - I appreciate it. So, now, I DO go dark. Actually when W hung out with me Sunday, and confessed the "love" on Monday, I had almost not contacted her at all the prior week. SHE started calling me. I think the trick is not to get caught up in their change of heart and start calling again.
You have no dependents, right? Go do something fun this weekend and leave the phone off.
Me: 43 W: 37 Together: 18 M: 15 D: 8 yrs old ILYBNILWY: March 2011 She Filed for D: August 2011 She moved out: Sept 1, 2011 Reconciled: May 2012 Divorce Case dropped: July 2012
I have 4 kids (2 are hers) but we're going at 5:00 to 'First Friday' - a thing in my little town where vendors put up tables, and all the stores keep their front doors open. Then D11 has a football game at a local college field, playing at night under the lights, so it should be a great weekend!
I went to pick up my step-kids from the house where W is staying to go a few blocks to our local small city downtown Friday night bash. Lots of street musician, peddlers, etc, it's a great time. I couldn't stomach seeing W, so I sent S11 in to get them. S5 was being bad and not eating his dinner, so he was going to walk with the mom of the people W is staying with. We left with D10, and W called me 6 times, and I just let them all go to voice mail. She then left an angry voice mail saying if I had HER kid, then I better answer my phone. So I turned around and took D10 back, and dropped her off. W then texted all nasty saying how DARE I pick her up, and then bring her back. Again,I completely ignored. I'm not playing the stupid games. D10 still calls me dad even though W tries to get her to call me by my first name, and if W is going to be stupid about it, then I'm done on the spot.
Lo and behold, W came to the event and brought them with her - this surprised the crap out of me because she usually rarely leaves the house, so I spent the rest of the evening having a blast and ignoring her. The step kids came up and hugged and loved on me, and talked to me... W was there about an hour and a half then left, but S5 pulled away from her and ran up to me crying because he didn't want to leave, so I loved on him, and told him to be good and it was almost bedtime, and he obeyed and went back with her. This is a bit of a 180 for me because I'm usually very available to W, standing by her, etc, trying to get a look out of her, but I just completely ignored.
After W left, several people got together and went for pizza at a local place, and we sat outside and ate. I had the fortune of being sat by a very attractive single girl who got a little tipsy and flirted with me the whole time. Of course, I would never take advantage of the situation, but it still was a nice couple of hours! Both my kids got invited to sleepovers, so I'm having a nice relaxing minute before I go snooze, then am going to help a friend move out of his house tomorrow.
D13 said she asked W what was going on today (on Facebook), and W said, "I love dad, but I really don't know what's going on, to be honest." I just had to laugh. She is in charge of EVERYTHING; the divorce, relationship, everything is in her hands!
But overall, a great day. It was a little disconcerting to see W, but the whole rest of the night was amazing.
seems like she wants more of you. Are you going to pull even further?
M35 XW34 D5 D4 M 6years T 10years Bomb 5/2013 Joint Petition signed 6/2013 Moved out end of 8/2013 Court Hearing of Joint Petition 9/2013 D finalized in 3 months - no news yet
