I haven't posted much as I think any advice to me has already been given recently.
Recently, and moving forward, I will live my life. I am more my old self recently. I can honestly look in the mirror everyday with the confidence I'm a good man, father and husband.
I struggle with wanting to figure out a way to get my W to look internally for answers. I know I can't control her or the switch. I try to remind myself this when the thoughts creep in.
I still struggle with detaching but I'm trying. I'm not sure how, but somehow I came up with my own interpretation of what detaching means. Then lovethehub recently said:
Originally Posted By: lovethehub
BC, I understand your confusion about detaching when your W feels you abandoned her or weren't there for her emotionally. Detaching doesn't necessarily mean ignoring her, it means removing your expectations from the outcome.
A light bulb went off for me when reading this.
I need t remove my expectations from the outcome. I'm no where near this yet but I'm going to try.
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Things have been good (relatively speaking) in the last couple weeks.
W obviously has underlying thoughts, but our interaction has been very good. Getting along and having fun have never been an issue for us, so when I'm gauging our interactions its usually based on affections (her interpretations of our problems)
W will initiate kisses goodbye and hello, and some nights she'll look for my hand to hold under the covers, but most of the impromptu affections are still coming from me.
Again, most of the time she SEEMS happy.
We haven't had a R talk since Aug 10th, that I transcribed here.
A lot of our interactions lately having me questioning what W perception of emotion connection actually is. I don't believe I've asked her to really explain it to me.
I think about it sometimes what the viewing audience would think if we were on some sort of reality show where there are cameras following us around.
M-38 W-32 D7, S4 M-10 BD-May '12 S for 1 month-June '12 Reconcile, Piecing
