Lots of stuff happening in your sitch! The trick is not to rush in and try to "fix" things for your H. He needs to figure out stuff on his own and in his own time. One thing I do want to mention about trying to keep the road paved smooth for the WAS to come back home fully which is scorekeeping.
A while back, I mentioned in Linda's thread that for the MLCer, it is imperative that the stander not get into nit picking on the scorekeeping in regard to the hurts and resentment. In my case, it was painful for me when going through MLC and I wouldn't want Ms. Wonka to harp at me constantly on what awful deed(s) I've done because:
1) I most likely have no memory of it 2) Hearing that stuff will just dredge up more pain for me because from where I stand now as a 'whole' person, it would hurt me to hear that I've done those god-awful stuff during my MLC
To address that specific component, it would be helpful [and most probably will aid in the process] for you to reassure your H that you are NOT interested in judging him or punishing him. That will alleviate a lot of the inner pain and the fear of being judged by others. I recall being somewhat paranoid about having 6 pairs of eyeballs judging every move I made while in the midst of MLC when Ms. Wonka and I were all on our family vacation at Martha's Vineyard. That perceived pressure of judgmental looks and whatnot almost made me back out of the MV trip...Ms. Wonka, bless her heart, was very supportive and very calm in talking me into deciding to go to MV. She did in a superb way which made me think that I alone made the decision to go. Genius, heh!?
On many levels, I can relate to rH's H in telling her that it is up to her make things work. Why? In coming together and getting the heck out of the long, dark tunnel, we are somewhat tentative and look to the stander for guidance and direction in going forward. In many ways, a lot like how a child looks to the parent to read his/her moods and acts accordingly.
I hope I'm making some sense here! If not, then fire away your questions my dear Raine!
If not, then fire away your questions my dear Raine!
