The reality that you will see on this board again and again is that you really cannot make much progress at all with H as long as he is involved with an OW. You're simply shut out. You can do lots of work on you, but not on your marriage, because he is not emotionally available to you. It becomes a waiting game, or "limbo" as it's called, and only you can decide how long you're willing to wait for his affair to end.
I'm discovering this is true - even with a minor EA. Getting all that emotional pretty stuff is like a drug, and it's almost impossible to compete with. So, when you detach, GAL, etc - you remove yourself as an "annoyance" and force H to focus on OW and himself, and in my opinion, it speeds up the inevitable breakup since affairs almost never last. Every nag and complaint to H just makes him think OW is better, and allows him to overlook her faults a little bit longer.
