Husband Threatened to Leave, Don't know what to do

[TrentC]

Ok so I have it down...boundary needs to be set. Now I guess the issue isn't
Him going out, it's how often and how late. This is where I struggle. Talking to him about it and making an honest boundary without sounding
Controlling or like I'm nagging.

I still feel like him going out once a week till 4 am isn't wrong. Am I wrong? It bothers me cause it has never been in his nature. But does that mean its wrong?

It is incredibly unlikely that you and your husband will see eye-to-eye on everything. The trick to a healthy long-term marriage is respecting each others' boundaries, and learning how to negotiate or forgive everything else.

You say that him going out once a week until early in the morning doesn't really bother you? Great; when you are setting the boundary, make that part clear. If the problem is that he doesn't tell you when he's coming home (or doesn't abide by his promise when he does), then make THAT the boundary.

Maybe the best way to approach the idea of boundaries is to get him to agree to marriage counseling. If he REALLY is committed to the marriage, and honestly is struggling with being a good spouse and father, then get a professional involved! (But don't take your husband there to get "fixed"; it's very likely the counselor will have recommendations for you as well, and you should to listen to them.)

Let's get real: this voyage of self-actualization he's on is selfish and immature. If it's a true midlife crisis, then there are emotional elements that are beyond his control: in that case, the best you can do is set your boundaries and be patient.

But in the (more likely) case that it's not? Tough noogies, dude. You've made choices that you can't just pretend didn't happen, or that you can unilaterally rewrite.