I worry that after years of standing we'll never be ready/able to pull the plug... even after it's long overdue. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm not sure I agree with this sentiment that we won't be willing to let go. Of course, I haven't been standing around for years yet, so who knows if my thoughts/feelings will change.
I think that it is not an expiration date, but an expiration feeling or state of mind. For me that feeling is that the marriage is not satisfying my needs and that my W has no intention of making any efforts to improve the marriage. Additionally, you need to feel that you'll be OK if separated. This removes the fear of being alone or starting over again with a new relationship.
After being in that state for awhile I can see myself talking/discussing with W and making ultimatums that will either lead to improvement in the marriage or separation and divorce.
In a way, I think it is easier for me to end it now than it was 6 months ago. Months of being treated poorly, stress of various behaviors, etc. and my efforts at improving myself, getting a life, etc. make me more independent.
Would I grieve the loss of the marriage? yes, we had 22 years of marriage, mostly good and I have no regrets about my marriage (OK, a few regrets -- regrets about things I did or didn't do in my marriage to/for my W). I also would worry about the damage a separation/divorce would have on my 3 children. These thoughts delay a decision, but they don't mean it will never come to that.
Anyway, so in T^2's case or FY's case, don't you feel that if you reach a point where the M is not improving, then it is time to end it?
