I also agree, in-house separations seem to result in miserable LBS's. It's hard to detach and GAL when the WAS is under the same roof. That said, the LBS should make every effort to stay in the home, the WAS is the one that should leave.
I agree, particularly when there are kids. In the context of no kids, the LBS should try to get the WAS to move out, and if they won't, the LBS should move out instead of getting stuck in limbo. Being in that toxic environment is poisoning your self-esteem and that is working against you.
Everything you need to do to equalize the balance of power in the relationship, make yourself attractive to your spouse again, rebuild your self esteem, etc. is going to be constantly pounded down when you're living with someone who doesn't value you, disrespects you, and carries on with third parties right under your nose.
You need to say "Enough!" and take a stand. You need revolution, not evolution, in this case.
You're being slowly poisoned by your proximity to this behavior. You can shield yourself with distance and rebuild yourself.
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
Everything you need to do to equalize the balance of power in the relationship, make yourself attractive to your spouse again, rebuild your self esteem, etc. is going to be constantly pounded down when you're living with someone who doesn't value you, disrespects you, and carries on with third parties right under your nose.
I'm under the belief that you can take a stand without leaving your home or the WAS. Marriage shouldn't be a power struggle. To me there is nothing more masculine than a man that walks with clarity, authority and demostrates humility. Now having said that that i've never really had to live on the other side of being alpha so it might be different for some. I demand respect, but I also give it now too. As a result my W is starting to come around, and it hasn't been becuase i've done anything other than get back to basics and gotten much closer to Christ. I haven't "DETACHED" but more so "PLUGGED" in to my surroudings without letting my sitch dictate.
No matter what you are going through respond with clarity and authority... And when I say authority doesn't mean it's this verbose character, sometimes being still and quite speaks the loudest. I tell my children often "the loudest one is the weakest one" look in the mirror and tell yourself you will be ok, DEMAND respect but also give it. Love unconditionally(another sign of strength) we can all control our destiny men it will be whatever we say will be.
Everything you need to do to equalize the balance of power in the relationship, make yourself attractive to your spouse again, rebuild your self esteem, etc. is going to be constantly pounded down when you're living with someone who doesn't value you, disrespects you, and carries on with third parties right under your nose.
I'm under the belief that you can take a stand without leaving your home or the WAS. Marriage shouldn't be a power struggle. To me there is nothing more masculine than a man that walks with clarity, authority and demostrates humility. Now having said that that i've never really had to live on the other side of being alpha so it might be different for some. I demand respect, but I also give it now too. As a result my W is starting to come around, and it hasn't been becuase i've done anything other than get back to basics and gotten much closer to Christ. I haven't "DETACHED" but more so "PLUGGED" in to my surroudings without letting my sitch dictate.
No matter what you are going through respond with clarity and authority... And when I say authority doesn't mean it's this verbose character, sometimes being still and quite speaks the loudest. I tell my children often "the loudest one is the weakest one" look in the mirror and tell yourself you will be ok, DEMAND respect but also give it. Love unconditionally(another sign of strength) we can all control our destiny men it will be whatever we say will be.
A very poignant post CL I've got more closer to Christ during this sitch and it has helped with the struggles I don't feel I can add anymore to this post, you need to do what you feel is right for you Take all these comments on board and take what you need from them Good luck
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
That's good perspective CompletelyLost, by all means if you can take a stand and maintain your self-esteem while staying in the same house, you should do so.
I got the impression that Hurt84 is not there, and that's why I recommend he may need some distance to come back to the table with the strong stance you are advocating.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
I've got more closer to Christ during this sitch and it has helped with the struggles