Help needed

[seventeen]

The kids apparently handled meeting the OW very well. They were polite and pleasant, but (unlike me) they are not people-pleasers. They don't need her to like them, and they know it. They are just being themselves and living their lives. That's good advice for me, as well.

I am generally very good about keeping my distance and letting him walk his journey alone. Our typical communication involves very rare and businesslike texts and emails about the kids.

But now and then he tells me "we need to talk." It's usually about the kids--usually he thinks I've told them something I shouldn't have told them. He doesn't like that I've told them the following: your father is having an affair; having an affair while still married is not a good thing to do; I have asked your father to stop the affair so we can work on our marriage, and he has refused to do so. Our most recent conversation was about the last item--he thinks these pieces of information make him "look bad" in the children's eyes. I suppose he wants to defend himself and come out looking like the good guy again, despite what's happening to our family.

Whenever my H and I talk privately and in person, as we did the other night, I fail miserably to keep things brief and upbeat. We usually end up talking for 2-3 hours. I start out fine, but inevitably I cry and offload all sorts of feelings on him. He sits there and takes it, but I know it's not helping matters. Stopping this is my #1 short-term goal.