let's start at the end, shall we?

[KindaHappy1]

Ya know PS, you asked a really good question.

If she confesses can I forgive?

Right now, whatever she is doing with OM, in my eyes is forgivable if she is asking for forgiveness and I believe she is sincere. I think I would be shocked if she confessed just because it would mean she wasn't lying to me.

The BIG issue to me is the lying. There are so many inconsistencies and when I call her on them, she always has a quick response that really doesn't make sense. Take for instance last night. She told me she was going to her Dad's to "talk" and suggested I hang with our boys. I did and had a great night.

When she came home and I could smell alcohol on her breath. I mentioned it and she told me that she had a drink at her dad's, and that it was vodka... and tonic. Now, I've known this family for about 25 years. Not once has my wife had a drink over there, and I know her dad doesn't drink. It just doesn't make sense. Even if he had vodka, why on earth would he have tonic that would still be good? I believe it is a lie, but why argue with a liar when she is just going to try and cover one lie with another. It makes me wonder who can live a life like that, where there is always a lie, always something that could unravel or become exposed. Is that part of the thrill for her, feeling like she is so clever that she is getting away with whatever it is she is doing?

And this is my big conundrum.
IF she is lying to me, and I no longer believe or trust what she says, then what is left? I am at the point where I feel like it is all too much, and I am wondering why I am willing to keep working on things and going to retroV. I am all about LOVE and I know that being loving in my actions and decisions, while GAL and being a bit dark seem to have made her look my direction from the fence she is sitting on.

I think retroV will be our last hope, at least for a while and I think she will do something to make it not happen between now and then. Right now, I have our registration ready to go, but I need confirmation that she doesn't have any work conflicts. I am not calling her or texting her again to find out, and it is all I can think about.