Husband Threatened to Leave, Don't know what to do

[TrentC]

So when the next 'guys' night arrives which i assume will be soon as they seem to be happening weekly lately do i just voice to him it bothers me he is going out so often and so late? He told me weeks ago that this is what he wants to do. That for many years of marriage he always did what "married" men are supposed to do and leave early but he doesn't want to be that man. He wants to come home when he wants...when he is tired, or not having fun anymore, even if its 4AM. By me telling him I don't approve he is basically gonna say tough luck. Then what?

I don't know how many ways I can say it: you aren't going to get any meaningful changes without taking any risks. He may complain, he may get abusive, he may even walk away.

But if he does, that's on HIM, not you. Because if you are setting real, honest, boundaries and he can't accept them, then what he is saying is that he doesn't love you or respect you enough to change his ways.

What happens when he decides that "society" tells him he should be faithful to his spouse, but he just doesn't feel like he's being "true to himself" unless he's free to shag other women? You are giving too much power over your life to him. You, right now, are choosing to live in a state of panic and misery because you are afraid of taking a chance.

We've said it before: talk is cheap, and believe nothing of what they say and only half of what they do. That handwringing about "wanting to be a better husband and father" is directly contradicted by his actions. If you want to be a better husband, you don't tell your wife that you want to do whatever you want and she's not allowed to complain.

And as I said before, THOSE moments are perfect for setting boundaries. If he really does want to be a better husband—and isn't just blowing smoke to keep you on the hook—the first place he can start is by learning to LISTEN to you.