Be sincere in expressing your intentions to W. A false sense of expressing somewhat half-hearted care and concern to W will make her truly mad and you'll be set back in a real bad way. Think of the Candyland and Slides game. One false move and you're way back down to the bottom rung.
Well, my intentions are to help her as much as I can, explain how I feel about her, and to hopefully reconcile. I'm thinking I probably don't want to mention the last two, though, right?
Your intentions to help her are honorable and good. The trouble with this mindset is that your W isn't interested in your help at all at this point. Any R talk will have to be tabled for a long, long time. Your W is feeling vulnerable, pain, confusion, and helpless so she's putting up a wall with you as a means of self-protection. That is how she's operating and coping. There's no right or wrong about her process. It is how she thinks and feels at the moment. Be respectful by giving her space.
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What do you really want in terms of interacting with W? Think about this carefully. The next few insights will inform you of the next step. Be authentic and genuine. Sometimes things are on W's terms and you'll have to figure out a way to meet her half way instead of insisting on certain things being done in specific, certain ways. It comes across as rigid and inflexible. And I am betting that it is coming across to W pretty clearly and she's picking up on that
I would like to have a face-to-face, honest and unguarded conversation with her about our M. I realize this is a lot to ask. I would settle for face-to-face and honest.
Again, M or R talk will have to be set aside. It isn't about what YOU want. It is about W right now. She isn't in the right frame of mind to even have any R talk. To address this Berlin Wall from W, it would be helpful to have the exchanges light, fun and innocuous. That is how I made a crack in Ms. Wonka's glacier that was 9 years long in the making. Boy, Ms. Wonka can be pretty stubborn. You might want to take a look at my threads for some ideas on how to keep things light and fun with your W.
I know what you mean about being rigid and inflexible. If anything, she is the one who has been rigid and inflexible since BD. I have not been rigid or inflexible with her for a long time. My reply to her was a question, not a demand or anything like that.
Yup, it is typical for WAS to close off and put up their own Berlin Walls to the LBS. It is a self-protection mechanism. It is only natural that they would do this since there's a lot of pain in them.
I'm not sure where to go from here, I have not heard back from her yet. The ball is in W's court to respond to your text. Let it be. If you do not hear from W in say a week or two, my recommendation is to send W a fun, get well or thinking of you card. Then you can say, "I'm praying for you. Lefty" And leave it at that.
You might want to take a look at my threads for some ideas on how to keep things light and fun with your W. 