Two Roads Diverged In a Yellow Wood... Part 2

[chasingpavements]

Journalling..

Things have really shifted in a positive way for us in the past 3 weeks or so. I am not sure of the reason for this change, but I feel a lot better. H's mood has improved considerably and he has been slowly starting to be around more around the house, doing family things with us. Over the summer we did not do any family trips or vacations. He took the kids camping a few times without me, and the idea of that really bothered me, to not be included, and feel left out.

But things have changed and and we have starting going on little family outings again and it really is a great feeling. Also, the constant tension between us seems to be gone, and we are more comfortable around each other.

My counsellor asked me what I think the reason for the shift was. I am not sure, but she thinks that perhaps he has started to notice that the changes I am making are sticking.

We also had a great breakthrough regarding my job search!! H emailed me to say that I needed to go back to work. It felt like he was forcing me to do so. I understood his feelings, that we need extra money, but I felt so angry at the way it felt like he was being 'demanding'. Then I found a part time job that I was really excited about, that I thought I would really enjoy, and he didn't want to even have a discussion with me, because he only wanted me to go back to my old job. He thought the part time job would not bring in enough money.

Then, he seemed to have a change of heart, and he even helped give me some ideas of what to do at my part time job interview. He helped me prepare for it, and then even drove me to the interview and then we went to the beach afterwards as a family. I almost had a heart-attack!

I didn't end up getting the job, as they ended up giving it to someone who wanted full time hours. I thought I did really well in the interview, and I was glad that in the end H supported me.

At home after I found out I didn't get the job, he went back to saying that I should go back to my old job. So I said to him, "I would like you to speak to me as if I was a friend of yours, and that you were interested in my well-being." And then we actually had a rational discussion, and he thought of job some alternatives for me, and even helped me look on job websites for a new job!!! It was as if something shifted for us and we were able to communicate.

And for me, just knowing that H was able to support me in the end, gave me the peace of mind that I had been looking for the whole time, just the need to be heard and understood. I called my old work back and I am returning to my old job in a month. Now, because H and I ended up having a fair discussion, I do not resentful to him at all about having to go back to my old job.

So I think that is a breakthrough for us!