So as an update I have only been communicating with her about D-related things since last week Wednesday. Last night she texts me out of the blue asking if I had told all of my family that I was abusive, had anger problems, and that she never emotionally cheated on me.

I didn't respond.

A week ago when she had called me to talk and to pick a date for the divorce I had been trying to validate her and told her that the behavior I had exhibited toward her with breaking her stuff when I found out about the affair was angry and abusive, and when she kept insisting that she never cheated on me, I really was trying to listen and validate her.

So now she's turned this thing around to where she hasn't done anything wrong and this is all my fault. I feel like she is trying to justify leaving me and is looking for me to give her permission to divorce me so she can move forward and say to people "look, it's not my fault, he even told me it was his fault and he was abusive and I never cheated on him."

I feel like there isn't a good response I can give. If I give in to her revision of history that would be bad for me and would allow her to believe that her EA wasn't an issue, and if I disagree with her and explain why she will start saying that I am making her feel bad again and that is also bad for me. She pulled this last week when I was trying to explain where I was coming from and she said that I was making her feel bad and she couldn't take it.

She just called me this morning and I let it ring.

T 10 years, M 4 years, both 28 years old
7/3/2013 - W wanted D, we attempted to reconcile
7/20/2013 - discovered W's EA, attempted to reconcile
8/24/2013 - W told me she wanted D, filed papers