I want to talk about some related ideas starting with want is listed as rule 24 in Sandi2's rule (I tried to find the original source in DR, but gave up)

24. Be patient......very, very patient. Give your spouse space and time. When you pull back, it will draw them towards you. It feels opposite of what you want to do, but it works!

Many of "the rules" could follow from the concept of pulling back.

A related concept is "whoever cares the least in a relationship is in control". Does this have to be true? Could you act as if you care less and gain control?

But are there things we can DO to pull back? What about being the one to always end conversations? (Ending phone conversations is part of rule 2 btw) but end all conversation .. Phone, in person, text, or otherwise

What else can we DO to pull back?

Me-45
W-44
T-7 years
M-3 years (4th anniversary July 13, but we're separated)
Kids from previous relationships (s14 d16 mine, s23, s24 hers)