T2 "I have been almost an ideal of "aloof but available" (thank you rH for that metaphor ). Throw in some Tony Stark/Sherlock Holmes, as done by Robert Downey Jr, alter ego activation and a pretty fun, no pressure environment is created . I forgot how easy that is for me to do/be."
You just make me laugh T, no wonder your W wants to keep that "old 48 year old guy" around
Sounds like things are inching along with lots of positive signs. A wink is GOOD, as is sitting on the couch with you and permitting those casual touches. The little things that other couples take for granted, that mean so much to us!
Good luck with the possible company officer position, they couldn't do better! And I'm glad you get some time and space to yourself on Saturdays - it's so important. Enjoy your day!
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
....pretty balanced and grounded, except for when I allow myself to get spun up over silly things...
So it's not just me doing this?
Quote:
Too bad you aren't out here we could take a a$$-kicking ride up to "the local high point" Butte...go from 2700 ft to 7900 ft...its an all morning ride up, and then just a crazy fun coast back down. Get all sorts of mlc-W stuff talked out...
I'm assuming you are talking about a bicycle ride? That does sound like fun. Since I'm not acclimated to it like you are, the high altitude would leave me gasping for oxygen. I'll let you do all the talking on the way up!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
FY and T^2 together? Am I the only one who sees nothing but trouble from that pairing? Seriously you guys need to figure out a way to make that happen.
M38,H39 M:16Y BD:8/12 OWDB:11/12 S:11/12-5/13 "Temp" home:6/13 OW dropped:9/13 "I love you":12/13 H ring on:2/14 Depression back:5/15 "I'm done:" 7/15 H moved out: 3/16 H moved back: 12/16 Working on us: 3/17
Not much to update in the "long, slow, very slow, settling down" world.
Continuing "lots of little things" in W's behavior that show movement. I do recognize that with a new job, and a social one interacting with lots of people, in person, is a HUGE leap for her, with her social anxiety. I leave her be when she gets home after saying "hi, how was work?". As an introvert also, I get that kind of "exhausted"...like my heavy client interaction days leave me just wiped. I make that allowance, I totally get it. No worries.
My stand is still the same: -100%+ in if want to reconcile. -Want a D? Okay, done, sign right here. Love you, you're free.
But this thing does have an expiration date, just not sure when now because the date stamp is smeared ...
But her movements recently, since I actually maybe really detached in a large way, have slowly been matched by mine...a little extra validation, showing just a wee hint of pursuit occasionally, a wee bit more initiation of interaction. The dance. So far so good. And why not? I have nothing to lose by trying on my terms.
BUT, mostly just live my life as much as possible exactly how I want to, and would if she left. Of course I make allowances in some things for the hope of R, or because of kids and financial ties, but not in the critical core parts of me. And that's what matters now.
I had a great weekend, a nice balance of productivity and relaxing. Just being a great Dad and man as much as possible. Simple, steady, aloof yet available.
You may not want to tune in next week for the next episode, cuz chances are it'll be pretty much the same. Which is another reason why I post infrequently now. Just part of this "stage" I reckon, and accept. Little to no drama is just fine with me now, lmao, forever and always after a spouse's mlc, drama is highly overrated, imo.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Hey T^2.. quick q? Does W know your stance? Your option #1 and #2? or are these things you have kept to yourself?
I am asking because I want to know if its "ok" that the WAS knows how we feel, allowing them to think we are still "waiting/standing"? Is that OK? or isn't it better that they feel they may lose us?
Just a tad confused.
I like the way you put option #2....well said!
Magic!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Yes she does. And she knows I won't wait forever, that I do have a limit, though I'm not sure "when" that is.
BUT...BIG HUGE "BUT" HERE, it came after 4-5 years of mlc, it came AFTER the 3rd BD in April. It came after our anniversary day/date discussion of divorcing.
Those ^^^ are very important for context and perspective, Magic! There is A LOT behind this stance and how it all got to be where it is and why she knows....Please read the whole picture, please.
Imo, you are still in the beginning stages, the time to just work on YOU. Leave the R stuff be...put it on the WAY back burner on the stove out in the garage, not the kitchen even.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Magic, I agree w/T2. You are in the very early stages of the crisis and you need to be focusing and working on you. There will come a time when you will be able to share w/your man, but it's going to be a long way down the road, that is, if you still want to reconcile.
T2 has been at it for a very long time and his wife is slowly working towards the finish line of her crisis and that's why he was able to discuss things w/her. Had he done it at the beginning, it would not have bode well for them or their relationship. Mlcers are not ready to hear what we have to say about such things until closer to the end.
Magic, be patient and continue to work on YOU.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Which is another reason why I post infrequently now. Just part of this "stage" I reckon, and accept. Little to no drama is just fine with me now, lmao, forever and always after a spouse's mlc, drama is highly overrated, imo. 