W has made some pretty dumb decisions over the last few weeks. Taken on a lot of debt, renting a place she can't afford (had to have her mom co-sign, and paid first three months rent on a credit card), hanging out with a bad crowd. She admits some of this now - but is still forging ahead with the rent/money stuff.
Now she says, 'I love you, I really do, but I'm not sure what I want from marriage, and I don't see anything I want.'
So, I'm still stuck at that crossroads. Do I want someone who really hasn't changed? As Mr. Bond said: "What 'actions' has SHE said she would do to try to set things right? Has she recommended C or did you bring it up? She has to be the one to initiate. Establish a timeline as to when you will be going to C, having dates, etc."
So far, it's been nothing except "I love you, but I'm not sure." This is difficult for me because it makes me believe that W is waiting for something to feel right, rather than making a conscious choice. So if I'm a nice guy for three weeks, then she'll feel like it? That means I have to be Mr. Perfect, then if she says, 'Yes', the slightest misstep will result in going back...
I did get an interesting viewpoint: I was described as being in a cycle with W. I'll get disgusted with something, so she'll start working really hard on doing better. I finally believe that she's trying, so I start to come around and finally jump in, but she's so burnt out from trying, that she quits. So I start the nice cycle while she's distant, and she starts to come around .... you get the idea.
