when W gave me the BD#3 at end of April, and the subsequent talks including our anniversary, I really, really changed. I was then completely, completely okay with D. I was done with the crazy, the "user" ideas she had, etc.
That's when I removed my carefully applied "blinders" I chose to wear through the vast majority of this. I started noticing other women, pondering possibilities, using my mental theater to imagine what dating them might be like, etc. That took over the space in my mind that was dedicated to hoping, imagining reconciliation. I also starting talking to just about everyone, men and women, testing to see how this "old+new T^2" played on Broadway. That was a big thing for me as I am kind of an introvert, nice, but reserved.
But I got to the point where, as my former Marine (if there is such a thing) friend's terse reality check and goal reaching "affirmation" was blaring loudly...
"You're going to get there. Why? BFT! (Because F--- That!)"
But I guess that I fully accepted at that time that this is where my life was going, and of course I wanted a map of the terrain, some test runs, see how the new personality gear actually worked in real life. Just the engineer/scientist in me, and a lot of .mil and backpacking/survival training...
W seemed to notice, and/or "feel" it. We did have such a strong connection pre-mlc that she HAD to feel the moving away, just like we "feel" that there is something wrong with them just prior to BD, we "feel" the OP presence, etc.
So I re-directed, in a big, big way, my mental energy away from W, the sitch, the R, etc. Without physically "moving on" in any way.
Hope that explains things better, and of course, as always, your mileage may vary, don't try this at home without adult supervision, etc...
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
