Are you prepared to not let him rock your world upon his arrival, and departure?
you know- i seriously hope so...
my world is exhausted at this moment- toooooo much drama around here with the nutty personalities for me
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Your sitch with mom is not ideal, but hey, it has got you girls all talking, you may be ducking down at the same time, but your family.
funny you should put it quite that way. i've always "talked to" everyone in this stupid family.
i'm thinking today- that there are two types of people in the world - those that run from the "enemy" (trouble) and those who are not content until they kill or destroy the enemy.
i think my nazisister and her h & my mom (one bit lesser degree- but same) are the latter. my feeling in my gut- (i know- extreme & exotic) is that these guys will not be content until i am rendered "neutral". in other words- until who i am is destroyed. their words - "everyone hates you - actual list...." "you are an awful person and a horrible daughter who should be ashamed of yourself "you should move to florida and stay there- nobody wants you here" - on and on. (with alot of bulging veins and spit flying" - , and then mom- just mundane picking- but none good anyhow... i'm done with them this minute ...
NONE OF IT GOOD. alllllll those gazillion man hours i've been there instead of having my own life - do not count. nothing counts - now that they've become inconvenienced - i think i've done my best with this junk-
i still think i'm an okay person- and don't deserve their spew. OR - not their place to judge me anyway (BIL - " I DO JUDGE YOU- I HAVE JUDGED YOU" "YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED" ..... f him. my professional opinion
IDK DAWN - if that is their idea of family- i do not need them in my family or life - their move - i'm done. my sister has shot herself in foot as far as mom- i'm stepping back- she can figure out how to fill in my blank.
YAWN - BOOOOORRRRRING - I KNOW- HERE'S ME STOPPING....
CRICKET chirp, chirp...
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We have come a long way and the future doesn't seem any clearer, but at least we seem to be wearing the proper head gear for the next crash. There is always another to follow as long as we are still attached to our MLCer one way or another.
very well put dearie- wtf do we DO about that tho? it would seem this is part of "our journey" - no?... riding along, this crash, that crash, continuing "forward" . are we moving "forward"? in any way other than mental stability & less pain in general?? (not that that is not huge - - - i think we're both waaaay more philosophical and less "bleeding profusely")_)
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I like that my mom and dad contacted me but they are so afraid of getting caught in the MLC drama they don't even want to come out of the shaded area in case they are seen.
oh- i don't thihk i appreciated that- that they knew and witnessed it - looking back on my bil - it is a very very hard thing to endure- i cannot imagine watching a loved one absorb the blows- i might be moved to violence. it's one thing for us to stand & face it- it's quite another if you're watching. my poor little neice is shattered by seeing that sort of verbal abuse- i'm sorry she had to see it. it's him should be ashamed - very very ashamed. and he's mr"i'm the perfect caring father & family man" "i'm a professional" , "i've been published" - - well, not so nice to this fam.
I hope that you and your mom and dad can get on a good footing again- it is nice when you feel like part of a group- part of a family. it's something i always wanted to feel so much- always did- but see now maybe it was my imagination... one wonders.
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You did it, you moved away and he followed, I know you think maybe that was part of the problem, but you made a move you needed for yourself. I don't think you would take it back? Plus, I'm not really gambling if I decide later on to change it up, because I'm ok with living without him.
i didn't look at it that way (me and this house) - perspective is everything isn't it? i'm tired of living alone tho- but as you say - would i undo it? i don't know that answer. i was well and truly fed up with it all being "HIS LIFE _ his house - his needs, etc." i guess i wanted to feel like someting was my own home- like i had some rights to be there - like i owned it- that's not so shabby is it, for a 50 yr old person to want a home that could be seen as hers (too?) - so far not the end of the world- (despite major major mlc road block) -
wow dawn- definitive. your attitude - what exactly is your prior "tie" with nevada & AZ? or your big attraction - i'm curious. to me they are hot dry places and after florida- i can't be objective. (i don't even tan- should be under a rock in norway or something) i'm not sure if i knew this already- . with family out there it surely would be alot easier to make it happen. there's something about a friendly network of some sort - and a kid - well...
so great for you- some plan forming in your mind and certainty also takng on a
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[/quote]form of it's own. you sound truly on your way (somewhere good).
[quote]Don't give a damn, do what I gotta do and let happen what will? I'm sitting on a teeter totter right now, which way will I jump?
you know- sounds familiar. which way indeed????? it will be interesting to see. i'm happy to hear you more "settled" in your mind and resolve. i'm somewhere- not sure exactly and too tired to formulate rite now.
lots and lots of trauma and drama on the mom, fam, sister front. i cannot do this crappola now - (my last couple yrs &mlc trauma, etc.) i feel beat up. it's a pity fest with me- i even hate how wah wah i sound sometimes. it's this damn gut- it's sending me the "save yourself from these idiots "message.
i have to say that in 62 years i've hardly ever been on the receiving end of vein-popping anger/spew like this. i don't like it. i don't feel safe around it- this bil- what a stuffed shirt- but when he spews - it's awful and my gut says "stay still - get away first chance - danger - danger". if he came to my door alone- i wouldn't let him in. what the heck, if people can become so self righteous and enraged - and i mean ENRAGED - WHAT IF HE decided to just top me? i mean, i don't know this guy- he can be a PhD til the cows come home- nothin to me - i feel threatened by his anger & my sister with her hate fest - certainly is not a well-wisher either. perhaps it's my somewhat fragile state of mind this moment- but they creep me out and i don't want it in my life. in any form. ta da----
sos - different day-
hope your day is good- i'm going to clean up around here- see if i acn make it acceptible. I yanked a whold ton of monarda - need to work on garden big time if i could get aorund to it.
my other sister keeps tryin to rope me in into committing about the mom junk- i'm resisting. still need this break- regain my perspective. she can just fill in also- like i don't just put my life aside and do this junk allll the time. - they'll all eat each other if they've got to work it out without me in the mix. little life lesson? we wonder.
she's off work til Sat - THANK GOD. I THNK GOD IS GIVING ME A BREAK FROM IT- who ever would have been so thankful for her to be off work and able to fill in???? yay yay yay...
okay- onward and upward. yay dawn , yay yay dawn (you sound sooooo EVEN - i'm so happy and feel hopeful hearing your "voice".
it's been a long long few years hasn't it? i say go become a dealer in a casino or something where you meet alot of people allll the time. i'm in the mood for that myself- i keep thinking if i get really bored- i'll get a check out job at lowes and deal with the public all evening. hey- it's people- and alot of them, rite???? hermit-no-more. (crab).
