I had a therapy appointment last night and the Dr. said the same thing. During my initial visit, he pushed for me to confront my W. But now that he sees my committment to the DB/DR process and how I'm handling it, he mentioned 3 or 4 time show impressed he was with my ability to maintain my composure and work to improve myself and the M.
It feels good to hear these kind of compliments, but it's still very tough. The emotions truly ebb and flow, just like the tide.
To answer your question, I had another DB coaching call on 8/28/13. We agreed that I should just maintain what I'm doing at this point. I got a little feedback from W that she has noticed some change in me, so I want to continue with 180's, DBing and add some GAL.
I think that until my W either ends the relationship with OM or it somehow fizzles, there would be much more of a negative impact if I were to confront her about the A than if I just continue my work while it goes on. Do you agree?
What are your thoughts?
You mentioned that in your situation, you knew you weren't leaving, but rather keeping a foot in both relationships as kind of a comfort to yourself. In my sitch, all I have to base things on are the text/email messages I have seen between my W and OM. I've stopped my snooping so I don't really know what the very current status is with regard to their topics of conversation on a daily basis or if I'm mentioned at all.
But, last I saw, they were talking about how much they love each other and how wonderful it will be one day to wake up next to each other.
Now that my W has started her new job, I'm hoping the work load picks up and demands her concentration and focus. That and the kids starting back to school this week will really give her something else to foucs on, rather than just the OM.
We got into bed last night and I told my W how much I apprecaiated her efforts over the past week, and especially that day, for all the work she put into school shopping for the kids and running around with them from 8:30a.m. to 4:30 that afternoon. I said:"you're a good mom!"
She thanked me and continued telling me that while she was sitting on a bench at the school watching the kids play on the playground, she wondered to herself if she was a good mom. I repaeated myself and said: "you're a good mom".
Truthfully, with all the poor choices she's made over the past several months with regard to her A and neglecting the kids to focus on her A and working 7/days a week and getting home late every night, choosing time with OM over time with our kids, is not the work of a "good mom".
However, I know she struggles with whether she is a good mom, so I put one in her love tank.
Is that wrong? It can only help, right?
Vince B M=10 yrs T=13 yrs M45 / H 44 2 Boys 5 & 8 D Day: 7/16/13
