Husband Threatened to Leave, Don't know what to do

[Lll54]

Consider what you are saying. What he is doing hurts you and makes you miserable, but you don't think that's worth jeopardizing your marriage over?

When you put it that way...yes. You are right. I am a mess...I love my H and want my marriage to work so badly that I'm willing to live on pins & needles everyday. I just can't seem to work up the strength! I just wanna scream!

OK, one of two things is happening here. He is either completely full of crap about "wanting to be a better dad and better husband" and is giving you more hope to cling to, or he's having some kind of existential or midlife crisis.

I think it may be the second one. Right after saying this he said he sometimes thinks he needs medication. He seemed to be somewhat joking about it but I think there was a bit of truth behind it. I didn't know what to say because I don't want him to resent me but I want him to get checked out so badly.

Maybe you should be a little tougher with him. Sometimes a WAS can be like a rebellious teen- teens push and push and push the boundaries to see what they can get away with. And if their parent knocks them back into place, they blow up in a dramatic fashion externally while internally they are joyful over the fact that someone loves them enough to enforce boundaries with them. Remember that DB'ing is experimentation- try different things and keep doing what works and discard what doesn't work. Don't be afraid to try something different.

So when the next 'guys' night arrives which i assume will be soon as they seem to be happening weekly lately do i just voice to him it bothers me he is going out so often and so late? He told me weeks ago that this is what he wants to do. That for many years of marriage he always did what "married" men are supposed to do and leave early but he doesn't want to be that man. He wants to come home when he wants...when he is tired, or not having fun anymore, even if its 4AM. By me telling him I don't approve he is basically gonna say tough luck. Then what?


The last few weeks seemed to be getting better and then the last two days have been a nightmare again. He went reffing last night and got home and snuck into bed with no kiss, or hey hunny im home which is always does. So i said "hi hun" and he goes "hey", in a snotty voice. I asked him whats wrong and he snapped 'I'm tired!' , so i left it. This morning before he left for work early he had his cell phone lighting up the closet cause I was sleeping and he didn't wanna hit the lights and i asked what he was doing and he snapped again, '"what do you think I'm doing?' I was appalled and didn't reply. So he said it again, " what do you think i'm doing?" I answered and and asked why he is so angry and he goes "cause you ask dumb question, that would be the day I would ask you such a dumb question" I was speechless. He was absolutely livid with me. And then came and gave me two big kisses and told me he loves me and left for work.

I'm at a loss for this sudden anger...and why he would come down and kiss me and tell me he loves me all in the same minute:(