I'm not sure I can or want to do life w H as my H. Not sure he could ever be the same in my eyes. That worries me. Not sure I could ever really trust him or his thoughts about wanting to be w OW/ think of life w her.
It's amazing how similar our treks have been. I too have these thoughts. I will never again have the same perception of my W. If you had asked me before BD what her strongest trait was I would have told you "loyalty". I would have said "I trust this woman with everything, even my life." Strip away the loyalty and the trust and who is she? Well, that is who she is right now- not the person I married. I don't know what switch flipped in her, but even if she flipped it back I could never trust her the way I did before BD. Would I want to be married to someone I can't trust and who isn't loyal? Right here and now the answer is "no". Maybe I could change my mind in the future, I remain open to that possibility. But I came to this conclusion without anger or resentment towards my W, but just through my own deep thinking on the matter, so it's not my emotions talking.
I hope that doesn't come off as a hijack, I offer it because I think you're having a lot of the same thoughts. In your case I think it's more "front and center" because your H is showing signs of coming out of the fog. It's a little easier for me to shut the door because W isn't on the other side of the door, she's in a different zip code, LOL!
