Cadet said that your W seems to be a "low energy" mlc'er, which means it may take longer for her to reach that "bottom"...my W had the all night chatting, massive sleep disturbances (this for a person who needed 9 hours/sleep/day!), the anger spew stage, etc. Eventually she put so much energy and lack of sleep into her process that she physically, emotionally and mentally wore herself out, broke down enough for some clarity to sneak in. And it still takes a long time after exhaustion is reached. A long time.
I do think all the extra going out and such is indeed diversion from looking within. Per my W, it is just too painful to go "there" there. It is her form of quiet "running", imo. E.g., when the boys and I went on vacation, she volunteered like crazy and her (now) paying job, and she said she had to keep busy and not be alone, or think about being alone. It is an improvement over her previous choices of coping ...
Per your previous posts, I think she knows, FY...she knows. And she is probably scared that you will give up (though she will NEVER admit it). Thing is, if you push too hard, give the ultimatum of presenting D papers, etc... she may just say "he's done, why try?" (very sage advice given to me btw when I was highly frustrated).
Because you do often feel like going off on her, that right there is a "tell" that you are not "done" done...I do know this from personal experience...aside from reading it here, there, everywhere...
Something to consider, is there a way you can really detach more? Can you really get down deep and mentally start "moving on" without physically doing so, because time is on your side, right? No hurries? I bet she can still "feel" your "waiting" attachment.
I get where you are at...I just want this thing jumping to the next quantum level... have her say to me:
-I want to stay married to you -I see the possibility of a new and good to great R with you -I am sorry for what you went through -Now let's make like rabbits!
Doesn't seem too hard from this side, does it? Let's just get moving forward, babe!
But they aren't quite there yet.
The only advice I can offer for the trip is to dial back on the "all is normal and great" which "covers" for her with Dad. But I would wait for a vet to chime in, because I haven't been in that sitch with W.
you're awesome FY, and know that should things not work out, you will be alone only as long as you choose, because there are lots of D woman available who were married to douchey men, you'd be a dream come true...some of the convos I have had just with clients and people out and about have been amazing me....
Hang in there!!
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
