She seemed to overnight became less inclined to talk after work, etc. We did less with each other and when I addressed these issues, she kept saying "Im fine", "Im tired, dont feel good, etc" It was a complete 180.
This continued through May and into first part of June. Her shift is 6a-6pm as a dispatcher at an ambulance company. She routinely would come home late due to it being busy. Sometimes 8 or 9, even later. This always happened for last few months and there was NEVER an inclination to me about it being suspicious since it was something she did for more than a year. Also note that my wife was not sociable. She didnt hang out her GF's, didnt party, wasnt out at wierd hours, etc. She literally just stayed at off on days off and chilled with the kids.
So here where it all went downhill.
June 12th (wed) she is working. I order food and she isnt home yet from work at 10pm. I text and she says "sorry, i was chatting with Katie, I'm on way". I cant explain at all my emotion or feeling at the time but something didnt feel right. I never felt that way before. I drove to her work and her truck was gone. When I got home, she was confrontational as if she knew what I was gonna say. We argued about why her truck was gone but the argument was fruitless. She said I was talking to Katie. I let it go that night. She slept in bed with me that night.
June 13th. She worked, we had replacement windows done that day and we texted back and forth to chat about the windows. I asked if we could talk about what happened and she said "fine". When she got home, I addressed issue, and she simply sat there and said "Im moving out, I want a divorce". I was stunned. I asked if it was b/c of someone else and she said adamantly "no". We argued more, and then we went to bed separately.
June 14/15: She slept separate but we didnt argue at all, and it was as if nothing ever happened.
June 16 (Father Day) I went to work, I said goodbye, she said "I love you, be careful", something she hadnt said in weeks. Later that day we argued and she said "I dont want to talk about this, I told you I was leaving". She grabbed some clothes and left. She stayed at a family members house next few weeks.
June 17th (D-Day) I wanted so desperately to talk to her, world was spinning out of control, I drove to her work around her quitting time, when I went through the lot, out of corner of my eye I spotted her truck and another vehicle next to hers in a back corner. I backed up and a guy got out of her front seat, fell on ground trying to get into his truck. I confronted them both. She had nerve to ask me "what are you doing here?" We argued, I asked that guy (who NEVER GOT out of his truck) who he was, was he sleeping with my wife and was he married. He didnt tell me his name, and said no to the last 2 questions. I am very resourceful (I know many policemen as well), I simply stated to them "I will know by tomorrow who he is". I wrote down his tag number and left. The next day I found out his name, that he WAS INDEED married with a 6 month old child and he was a coworker of my wifes.
June 18 - 24, just text arguing, etc. She called an attorney, as did I. She kept pressing to me that she didnt want a 12 month separation (standard in Maryland) but a complete divorce and only way to get that is through adultery complaint that she WANTED me to generate. But also in MD, she must provide a "witness" which has to be the party she had affair with.
June 25. My friend goes to his gym (across from wifes work) sees her drive into parking garage, he calls me. I go there and see her and that guys truck in garage. I walk right up and two of them are in her back seat. I couldnt see anything specific due to low light conditions. I was so angry, I smacked backwindow and they both got out and left. It took everything I had not break every tooth in that guys mouth. I left, and called the guys wife. She was surpisingly not shocked simply stating that she didnt know anything physical was going on but that she already confronted her husband about talking to my wife 6 weeks ago!! Which puts that time frame around her beginning the odd behavior.
June 26 - Late July. Arguing, texting, and no progess on anything, even with lawyers. For someone who wanted a divorce so bad, she just simply walked away from everything expecting or anticipating I would handle it. She even got an apartment. She picked up mail one day and said she would be back the following saturday for furniture. I expected her "family" come help with a moving truck, etc., but when I ran into her at Walmart 2 days prior and asked what time she was coming..........she said "I dont know, I dont have anyone to help me move". So, me, being who I am, rented a truck and spent 3 days helping my wife move into her apartment. She broke down crying one time, gave me the most sincere hug I've had in literally 2 years, and when I asked if she still loved me, she said yes. So again, out of all her "dependable" people, I was still the ONLY one she could truly depend on despite that I should have been the last one. She never admits wrong, still has not said she is sorry, but sent a text message a few days after that saying "thanks for your help, I know I didnt deserve it".
We talked minimally since then with her making small talk and even agreeing to get lunch with me then changed her mind. Things were settled down, no progress through attorneys, then it happened. I was debating filing the adultery complaint, and hired a P.I to be sure and yup, on Monday July 29, that guys truck was at her apartment at 9:30pm and again on Thursday at 11:30pm.
After hearing that on that Monday night, I called that guys wife again, but she said what I didnt expect. She initially said, "he's not here, we argued over weekend and he is staying away for few days". I was nauseated cause I knew damn right well where he was. She then proceeded to tell me that her and him were going to marriage counseling, things were getting better overall, and that she makes him tell her when he gets to work if my wife is working that day too. She said anything else happens....marriage is over. And I was speechless. She seemed so happy, I didnt have the heart to tell her I knew his truck was at wifes apartment. We hung up, I called wife, didnt let on I knew he was there, and we argued furiously about how I felt I was made a fool of and how Ive always been there for her and I feel so betrayed. Later that night, she called me asking me "why did you call his wife again" and I replied that I just wanted to chat with her. Apparently after I talked to his wife she called her husband to see where he was. He didnt know that I actually didnt say anything to his wife but Im sure he was uncomfortable. I told my wife that his said they were working things out which is information I seriously doubt this guy told my wife.
So. thats it. My wife remains in apartment. No progress from laywers. Her and I have had no contact WHATSOEVER since Aug 2. I do forgive her, but I dont understand what happened since her and I were getting along so well.
Just a few notes. Things ive been told over years by her. 2 years ago: "Im not in love with you anymore" told to me during argument. Also been told, 'my family is permanent, you are temporary" though clearly Ive shown otherwise
Now I feel lost, and feel like she has ripped MY family from me including kids I treat as my own. And to my knowledge, this guy has not been at her apartment much at all since that last thursday.Sorry for this being so long, just easier to get opinions when all facts are laid out.
