Wow! A lot's going on now. Bigger down-swing on the roller coaster than I expected, but I did say to never underestimate the aliens.
The big thing I see in all this is the self-centerdness of your h. He's mad because you didn't talk to him before dismissing the divorce, yet he never talked to you about his plans to divorce and maybe remarry. Then it's all about what he can get out of the divorce. Him, him, him. Like your MC said, he hasn't done anything to save your marriage.
I've seen all this before in my XW, and I believe you won't have a successful marriage until and unless he grows up and learns how to be a team with you. Think about it - what do you think would happen if he came home tomorrow? How would your life together be different?
I'm really not sure how to handle someone like this, so I'm not sure I have any advice. I can't shake the feeling there's something going on with him that you don't know about. Not necessarily an OW, but some insecurity or secret goal he has that is blinding him. I do know I've seen you grow a lot in the last few months as you've learned how to be your part of the team. Keep that up, it will only help you, your boys, and your marriage.
