Help! I'm so hopeless and devastated...

[lovethehub]

Don't ask him not to leave, but don't push him out either. Give him space, act as if and try a 180. EXERCISE, the endorphins will help your attitude, allow for you to release negative feelings...Having him there is still good for the kids, and you can model the behavior which is appropriate and healthy.

I agree! My BD was Feb 14, 2013 (one of many but H was truly done) and I did the usual stuff (crying, begging, etc) for a couple of weeks and then found DB/DR. GAL, detaching and moving ahead with my own life made all of the difference. I didn't bring up our M or R once, I quit asking H to do things for me, I was gone with the children a lot, I never called him and only texted if he needed to know something about kids. After a month or two, I was truly detached because I knew this was my only option. Doing these things helped me to look at my part in our M, instead of what H did. It was very eye opening and helped me to begin working on me, becoming a better version of myself. We began R in late May and, I know there are no guarantees, but I feel that we have finally moved on to a place where we can do this and keep our M together and happy. This would not have happened if I didn't follow MWD, and the advice from this site.

As hard as it is, you must get to the point where you worry about you and the children and start building a life for yourself that doesn't include H. Ironically, it is your best chance of having a life that does include him.

I felt so painful when my two little kids (5 and 7 yrs old) kept asking where is daddy and when he can come back home. I took the kids to park and musuem. But when they saw other kids with their daddy, they were so upset. My older one even cried at night since daddy was not home. This really broke my heart.

Your children are most likely picking up on some of your emotion and stress. If H goes away again, just tell your children 'Dad went away with some friends' and don't act upset about it. People do go away w/o their children so this does not have to be a big deal to the kids. I understand it is to you, and watching your H lie to them kids can't be easy; however, explain to them it's okay for dad to go away sometimes because adults need to do things sometimes, too (or however you want to say it.)

I realized I may have done too much house work for him. Right now I am still doing cooking and laundry for him, and most of time I took care of the kids... I should let him share the same responsiblities too if we still live under the same roof as roomates...

Do you work? I was home FT and H worked so I didn't quit doing his laundry or taking care of the house and cooking. It is up to you. If you are working, I can understand sharing and you should be doing that anyway. If not, the choice is yours but be sure you don't come across as bitter, vengeful or petty.

BTW, when I talked to him, I really cannot smile :-(

You have to! Moping, showing him you are upset, making him feel guilty will only push him further away. Let him wonder why you are so happy, and he will wonder because he has 'left you' so he will expect you to be sad and upset. Do the opposite.

I truly believed, that by using what I learned here and in the books,and changing what I realized I needed to change that my M would be saved - that made it a lot easier to smile at H when I didn't want to.

I thought if I make a change, then everything will be fine. But he always excused that the change has been too late, he is not in love me for so many year. I was being too naive.

Right now he probably does feel that it is too late, esp if he has brought these things up before. He has to see true, lasting changes before he will reconsider this.

Deep breath, you can do this.