Looking for advice

[LoisB]

I'm glad you posted this morning. I know the pain [censored].

I agree with Kate, do what you need to do in this moment. Do you have anyone who could come sit with you? Hold your hand while you decide on what to do next?

Could you tell ExP to stay away for a bit--that you're not ready to see him? Would he respect that wish?

I know you received a lot of good advice yesterday about protecting yourself financially--for those of us where the pain is still fresh--I can see how that would be overwhelming. The fog will clear and God will give you the strength to move forward but put your selfcare first today.

Take it easy today.

Hugs and Love,

Heather

[Ab Fab]

I thought I was feeling better this morning, until a friend confirmed that he has seen their wedding announcement/photo on twitter!!!

Now I feel sick to my stomach again.

this is really silly, but this just somehow doesn't feel like the end... Apart from the property situation, there still feel some sort of connection. I must just try and let it go but right now that seems impossible!

[MrBond]

Have you gotten legal respresentation? You didn't address any of the financial issues we recommended yesterday.

HE IS MARRIED TO SOMEONE ELSE. That is the reality.

[Ab Fab]

The financial side has all been taken care of. I just have to wait for someone to get back to me over house legalities. Currently we own a property in joint names, and should anything happen to either one of us it reverts in full to the other. I need to make sure she will have no claim on it.

[NLW]

All, I'm so sorry for what you are going through.

If it helps at all, it seems to me that your guy is exhibiting the classic signs of mlc - which can include this ridiculous idea that they have met 'the one'. Out of the blue and after just a short time, they 'know' they were meant for each other.

Look back and you can probably see elements of this in your own experience with him. You were the one, too. And you have the years on the board to prove it.

Mlc is truly like a mental illness in my experience.
You have to view it like this to cope with what he is doing.
Patently his behaviour is just mad.

People will say that you are better off without him, but this doesn't help much.
You still want the man you knew.

Unfortunately he doesn't exist at the moment. He may not in the future either. Those are the sad, hard facts of this terrible condition.

Given that, you know what your options are. Really only to keep going, living your life in the best way possible without him as part of it. And keeping some small hope in your heart that he works through his crisis and realises what he's done.

It will take some time, so in the meanwhile you have to build a new life for yourself from the ground up. Sounds terrifying, but it also represents a big opportunity, if you can grasp it.

So sorry for the pain. I know what you are going through (I suspect my X has done something similar in the last couple of weeks, but just doesn't have the guts to tell me and our kids.)

[Ab Fab]

Unfortunately it is all too real thank you very much

[Ab Fab]

I have no doubts that this still can all go horribly wrong for me...

Wether his new wife knows or not I do not know or care, but exP is still paying all the household bills/mortgage here.

If he stops I cannot meet them. I have boring, menial p/t jobs (3) that just allow me to feed me and the dog and run my car. However if the bills go unpaid not only will he get in trouble with creditors but could well lose his job (he works for the court)

The way things are going currently how much worse can it get????

[LoisB]

I'm glad you took care of some business. I know how hard it is to put yourself "there" when your head is swimming.

I've found that in my lowest points, God sends me fairly clear messages on where to go next. What's the next step.

Sounds like your ExP holds the financial strings. Think about what options you have. If you have to leave the house, where you could you go?

Doesn't mean it will happen, but it's important to plan for the worst. As hard as that is.

Much Love,

Heather

[Ab Fab]

I wish someone would send me a clear idea of what to do. My head is spinning with thoughts.

I alternatively feel, hurt, abandonded, rejected and so so sad. Along with MAD, MAD,MAD at him,her and everyone else in between.

he is planning to call at the house tonight. I am planning to be out. A am so angry at all the lies and BS he has been feeding me. If I get started so much will just spew out and I may well say lots of things I may later regret (although I may not). But I need to be calm to do that. And I am anything but calm right now - anxiety abounds!!

[LoisB]

Why is he coming to the house? Be careful he doesn't come in and take a bunch of stuff. I would ask he come at a different time when you are feeling better and maybe have someone there with you.