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[Shocked she left]

Already started a thread but figured I would repost here as well.
New to this forum but learning a lot from reading the posts. On 7/24 w announced she was leaving as she no longer loved me and and maybe never did after 17 years of marriage. We have two sons, 13 and 15.She went out that Friday night with some co workers and I happened to see her phone the next day to see some texts from one of her coworkers ( male) asking if she made it home ok and if she wanted to go out that night. She replied yes but maybe less alcohol. After seeing the text I then scanned our phone bill online to discover they had been texting very heavily at all hours of the night and throughout the day.
I confronted her and initially she said it was all work related, well a number of these texts were sent after 11pm at night some after midnight.
I then counted the number of texts and was shocked when I found almost 3000 texts between the two of them in less than a month. I thought we texted a lot but there were only 400 between w and I.

After another confrontation she admitted that it was in appropriate and then she would stop it. She went on to say that it was "nothing" and not physical.

Well, since I am always the fixit guy I found her a furnished condo and she moved out the following week. ( maybe that was stupid on my part but I wanted her to see I was trying to give her the space she wanted.

Our sons are mostly staying with me for the time being although she sees them daily. Her mind seems fully made up that there is not hope of R.

The day after she announced the separation I went to a counselor. I asked for a list from her of what bothered her the most with my behavior and started to work on the issues.

# 1 was my health. She felt I had let myself go and I had. I immediately started a diet and have lost 30 pounds in a month. I went and had a physical, and attended a sleep center. Counselor thought I was depressed so Dr prescribed anti depressant. Started a fitness program, and went to work on the relationship with my kids. I will say the anti depressant seems to work and I am felling better these days.

Attempting to do 180's but its been hard to cut off communication with W.

Here are the other issues on her top 10 list

I lay guilt on people without realizing it
I don’t set a good example for my children
I focus on the negative, even when I proclaim a positive she still hears a negative
I talk down to her in public or make fun crossing the line
I drive and use mu phone all the time. SHE HATEs this
We don’t resolve problems , we ignore them until they fade away temporarily , then they come back
I am irrational about dumb things and anger easily
I do everything for neighbors and clients and nothing for her except a paycheck
I always try to solve problems even when not asked. ( i.e. when she comes home to talk about her job

So, I am working like crazy to turn things around. After going thru two counselors I didnt mesh with I found one who is a DB counselor and seems to be a good fit.

A few questions: Do I make her pay her own rent ? ( I paid the first month)
Do I push for separate financials ?

I asked if she would see counselor, first one told her there was no reason to see one as we seem to be able to communicate. ( about divorce)
I asked her to see the new one and she said yes but when I tried to set an appt she didn't respond. I dont want to push it for fear of turning her against me.

Sorry for the rambling message but needed to get it posted..