let's start at the end, shall we?

[KindaHappy1]

Now Sunday, things got interesting. I got to the house after 9 and I brought egg sandwiches for everyone, our family's quick breakfast item. I didn't wake my W, but my youngest did to ask if dogs were fed. W came down and I offered her a sandwich. We made some small talk, but things progressed.

I told her a bit about the support group and told her that I learned that I could come by and see the boys any time I wanted. She said that the separation agreement I proposed said that I wouldn't come by unannounced. I told her that it wasn't signed and that we never discussed it since I gave it to her, so it doesn't really matter what it said.

We weren't fighting, but we really weren't getting along. I pressed her about things when I know I shouldn't have, but the crazy thing is, I think by me acting tough and her having it in her head that I am ok with divorce, she was puzzled. She brought up a text I got on friday when she handed me my phone. She said that it was someone calling me their sexy gem. It totally wasn't waht she thought, it was someones user name on a meetup group that posted something to a group I am in and my phone displayed it.

I told her that I wasn't ready to be in another relationship, and that if I was to be in one now, it would just be a rebound, and I wouldn't do that to someone. I told her that i didn't force her to marry me, and I wasn't going to force her to stay married if she didn't want it.

At some point, I explained that so many of the people at the support group and horrible marriages and big problems. I explained that I thought our main problem was communication, which she seemed to agree. I brought up Retrouvaille and she asked a bit about it and when the next one is and said maybe we should go, maybe it would be good. I told her I would send her info on it and that if she really would be willing to try and do what they tell us to do on the weekend, that I would go.

She agreed, but I am afraid that she wont try, so I told her to check out the website first. I am kinda kicking myself for not just agreeing, but I don't want this not to work, and if she is still with OM, if there is a EA or PA, i don't think the time would be right. We have another week to decide, so I will wait and see. There is always the next weekend, or the next...

I took the boys out, and had a great time. She let me stay for dinner and we may get together next Sunday to do the same.

She does see that I am GAL and I think she is happy to see that. I really was pretty boring and didn't go out. Now I am signing up for runs and going to concerts and meeting up with meetup groups for movies, so who knows what the future holds. I am feeling better about myself than I have in a while.

I now see that this was really a blessing in disguise. I'm not sure I would have ever started making the changes I have if the R was chugging along like it was for the past 20 years and I know I wasn't truly happy. I wasn't enjoying being a dad like I am now. I hope that there is a way we can get thought this together, but I know that no matter what happens I'll be good. I am feeling like my life is more fulfilling than it has been in a while.