AS, Ruby, in that book I mentioned, there are a few references to the “Divorce Busting”. The author had a marriage counseling practice for a number of years. He has lots of points in this book that are consistent with DB principles. One difference it that he advocates dating while being separated. He gives different strategies in different situations. Well, this is the same advice that is in DB book, do what works.
Ruby, hopefully there will not be any more rain until the leak is fixed.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
You're sounding good Ruby, calm, content. I like your good natured joke about the flood. Hope your mattress wasn't ruined, that could put a damper on things
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
Today my class at uni started. Favorite professor so I can't wait Didn't get to run with group but met up after. H was there and we talked a bit about class. I joked I don't fail any classes because it's soft sciences. But. I said, I wouldn't get anything less than an A for you. ( he is paying in essence, for my masters ). He seemed very pleased that I said this. I think I am learning a bit more about what he needs and what he needs to hear. The 4.0 isn't a huge deal though, I really enjoy academia ( closet nerd )
Also H ran with other member of group. Cute 33 year old (guy). The guy told H that I was the sort of woman he would setlle down to and he would have babies with... Lol!!
This makes more than a few friends who have said things in this vein to H. Not sure whether these remarks are helping or hindering though.
In my situation, many people who knew us were telling H (before the DB) that they wished they had a wife like me. A lot of people told him he was lucky. During the last couple of years, I think it made him angry though. He didn’t show any emotion when he heard these words. It makes me think that he was subconsciously resisting this. After the DB, I know that our friends were telling him that he didn’t know what he was doing leaving me and he would regret it later. It only made him more determined in his decision. So, I guess these remarks can go both ways. If they are made without a pressure, then they might help in a long run. I’m sure they feel good to you .
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Thanks BF, you expressed kind of what I was thinking. Although H has said how remarkable I am (now) etc. I know he still has trust issues. I think that I would kind of be p*ssed as well if everyone said how wonderful my ex was, implying that my choices were not....
That is why I feel any compliments like that to H are a double edged sword lol!
The problem is, those people don't see the "making of the sausage" of marriage. The possibility is that every time someone says that the WAS thinks, yes, but you don't live with her, reinforcing their decision.
WE have no control over others, so it's just a hazard of social situations.
Just keep giving him the space to heal his wounds.
I think H and I are in a trust-building phase right now.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Ya. Agree Bug. Trust is the toughest. I would trust H with my life. With our kids' lives. To trust him with my heart is something totally different
That is the tough part. Do you think when we have completely forgiven and let go of our spouses it would be easier to trust again? I think I would always be watching for signs (red flags) and waiting to strike first lol in the ILYBNILWY statement... Basically I would have to get over ME.
Do you think that is where your husband is today? Loves you but, has been hurt and feels like he cannot trust you?
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
