Me: What do you think I should have done? Bring all his presents to (W's town) and open them in the street? I didn't know if I was even welcome in your house. Or bring them and take them back with me or bring them and then leave them at yours so I don't get to see them have fun with them? I did the best with what I had. You have all day tomorrow, Thursday afternoon, all day Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday to to do whatever you want with S3. I have the day off specifically to see S3 and I would like to see him and he would want to see me.
T, I understand you're angry, but you have got to break this cycle. This convo went south because of your actions, not your W's. I think if you're completely honest with yourself you will admit that you held a secret party for your S specifically so you could throw it in your W's face later. And you did, and it made her angry, and you feigned righteous indignation at her anger. You have got to lose the anger, it is just causing more and more damage. Even if your M is dead you are going to be coparents for the rest of your lives. Do you want to keep exchanging these silly little barbs with each other, or do you want to foster a coparenting relationship that BENEFITS your children?
I remember after my W moved out that I assumed she would want to hold Christmas with the kids separately. I started making plans, then it dawned on me that I was ASSUMING I knew what my W wanted, and that assuming is something I had done throughout the M and rarely been right about. So I did something really crazy and different- I called her and asked her what she wanted to do. Much to my surprise she wanted to meet at my house Christmas day to exchange gifts. It is exactly what the kids needed at that time, it was the right thing to do for them.
It doesn't matter how much pain you try to inflict upon your W, you will never even the score for the pain you're feeling. It will not make you feel better. If you convert your pain into anger then it never goes away. Process the pain and lose the anger, it's the only way to heal.
The conversation went south like it normally does because she thinks it should all be her way and gets angry when it isn't. My rant was a bit much but it was the truth of where I stood. I didn't throw anything in her face, I told her I had already given him his presents which I did and for good reasons.
Yes I have been angry at her about the lying and OM and calling me a c*nt but I'm not out to hurt her. At the same I wasn't in the slightest bit interested in what she wanted either.
I knew she wouldn't like it but I didn't do it for that reason I did it because as per the rant (which is actually an edited down version). I didn't see any other options to me at the time. Even if i asked her it wouldn't take much for her to change her mind. She changed it twice during that conversation.
When exactly do I give S3 his gifts? On his birthday even though I have no idea if I'm going to see him plus the fact that half of them will be built and kept at my house, the weekend after his birthday W has them so it was either the weekend before or two weeks after. When are my side of the family supposed to celebrate S3's birthday? When he isn't here? I don't know what W knows, I haven't told her about the party and I put no pictures on the FB.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
