Pain, try to read some of the other sitches on these forums, what you'll find is that your story is not substantially different from others here. Don't be afraid, there IS hope. Even though your H is talking in absolutes about S and D, this is a very common thing with WAS's. He changed his mind about your M and wants a D. Well guess what, he CAN change his mind AGAIN. It happens all the time.
Originally Posted By: MyPain
We actually started seeing a MC, but she was not a proponent of marriage.
Not many are. Most are divorce facilitators, that's the way they've been trained. Your money is better spent on a DB coach, they are committed to saving M's.
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He was then away for approximately 8 months before he reached out and asked if he had "lost me."
Try to think back about what you did then. Did you pull back and give him time and space? Did you leave him alone to work through his thoughts? Whatever it is, it worked. So your approach should be similar this time.
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I used to ask him what happiness really meant to him and whether there we times where he experienced happiness in our relationship. He said yes, there were time when he felt happy, but he "did not think he was as happy as he should have been."
Typical WAS script. Don't ask these kinds of questions because you'll get confusing or negative answers.
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He could never describe what was making him unhappy. Oh believe me, I kept asking.
Don't ask because he doesn't even know himself. He's confused and in turmoil inside even though he may act calm and cool on the outside. He doesn't know why he's unhappy, but right now you're the easy target. He thinks you are why he's unhappy. That's why you need to give him time and space, if you're out of the picture and he's still unhappy, then he'll start to realize it's not you, it's internal.
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Tuesday, August 27, 2013 was the first time we sat down to talk. He won't budge.
Read Sandi2's 37 Rules. Quit pressuring him with M talks, you'll never hear what you want to hear.
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He wanted to talk and I wanted to provide my document list of actions I wanted to improve.
WAS's don't care about words, only actions. Long term, consistent actions.
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I am so confused and don't know what to do. I am all out of options.
You're not out of options, you're at the starting line of a marathon. Be patient. Work on yourself. Read DR. GAL.
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I think he is depressed, but dear I say that because he is a little self-absorbed to have that kind of insight.
No, don't say anything like that. You can't speed him on his journey, the best thing you can do is pull back and leave him to it.
