Thank you so much MJ, MH, and Sandi! You've all given me very useful perspective, input and challenges to consider.
Just replying now because spent Labor Day weekend camping with family -- it went very well:. . . Me: 37 rules are increasingly becoming second nature, though patience, "as if", and stopping measuring her mood are still challenging at times. And it IS working. She: Definitely verbal and non-verbal signs moving closer to me--genuine hugs (long absent), high fives when we accomplish task together, lots of smiling/laughing/talking, catching ourselves at outset of old silly annoyances that used to escalate (she get’s trigger easily and I used to engage). While hiking we got to talking about life/spirituality in general, wherein she told me about, and asked me to carry out, her last wishes (cremation and what to do with her ashes) if she goes first. What this said to me is that she's coming back to seeing life together. I'm pretty familiar with her moods/personality, so I feel pretty confident that, at least for the moment, that her "energy" (which is something that emanates from her pretty strongly) is positive and directed toward trying a new us. But I’m still “cautiously optimistic”. I don’t want our old relationship back at all cost. Going forward with MY life, I want a relationship that includes real affection and intimacy. It remains to be seen whether she will be able to do that.
Okay, don’t want to make this quick update too dense, so will reply to your great replies separately.
