Newcomer's brief summary

[doubledown]

TT:

thanks for that feedback. OK, I realize I need to accept the fact that I'm working independently of OM and W and any attempt to interfere there will only provide opportunity for W to associate me with unhappiness. Tough to do, but considering the alternative, I can do it.

On Labor Day, my W mentioned she wanted to have some shelving put up in the bathroom and paint as well. So, I showered, got dresssed(looked/smelled good) walked into the room where she was. She looked at me surprised at my atire and before she could say anything, I said:"you wanna go with me to loook at shelving"? She said: "oh, ok, yeh!" So, we and the kids went out for the day shopping. Then we went to lunch. After we finished, I said:" wasn't that a fun lunch?" W responded "yes it was".

We returned home and W went out ot work in the yard/gardens and I began working on a raised bed for some Grape vines we want to plant. Occassionally, I would walk over to visit W and compliment her on the plants or design. I asked her for her help a couple times as well. It was a really pleasant day altogther.

One thing I found interesting was when I walked into the back yard and saw W looking up into a large tree we have in the yard. I asked her what she was doing, and she said she was just thinking about what might need to be done with the tree if we were to consider having a swimming pool installed in the Spring. I was surprised, because we had talked about a pool, but from what I had read in texts /emails between W and OM in the recent past, their plan was to move in together and begin their life together.

Now, I'm told to believe nothing she says and only 50% of what she does. So, what do I make of this? Is she reconsidering her plans with OM? Maybe just planning to stay at home and keep him on the side indefinitely? Or is it just something to disregard?

I've really just been focusing on being positive toward W and kids, being pleasant, non-critical, no anger and very helpful. I need to keep coming up with things to do that demonstrate that I'm a fun guy to be with!