There is so much in these posts that I disagree with.
//I SO wish you could see this, how we see this// I just can't, because I think your perceptions of my situation are wrong. This is not a knee jerk defensive reaction. I have given this tremendous thought. I have talked with many people, including professional counselors. I have listened to your comments and heard what you have to say.
I am not a bitter angry person who is unwilling to forgive. This is not who I am and if you think this, then you don't know me well enough. All of your comments are based on this perception, and it is just plain wrong.
I am not trying to "Punish", "Shame", or "Hurt" my W. Do I "Blame" my W? Absolutely. I think this is an honest assessment given the facts of what happened in our relationship. No amount of introspective soul searching is going to change these facts. But I have no desire to punish her. Again, you're perception about my motives is not accurate.
The truth is that I love my W. I pray for her everyday. I want to have a good co-parenting relationship with her. I want her to have a strong, healthy relationship with our kids. I want her to work through the emotional issues she is dealing with and find happiness. I want all of these things. But, for these things to happen, she needs to want them to, and make the changes necessary for them to happen.
If my actions were being done out of spite and bitterness, then I would agree with you. But they are not. These are very reasonable boundaries.
//what have you gained// I have gained space. I was able to go camping without the constant stress of dealing with my W. I gained freedom. I was able to make all decisions related to my kids for a weekend without being second guessed or challenged by my W. Hopefully, I will gain detachment and a truly separate life. Setting boundaries like this is about me and building a new life without her.
