One giant leap forward! - Part 5

[T1000]

T, Sandi

Well, it was just a wild shot! I just remembered how I felt when XW1 left me but reading Ts answers this is different!

I will explain anyway – perhaps some can be taken from this:
At that point I blamed my XW1 - not for leaving me - but for wasting many good years of my life and after a short period of time (I now realize) I took on the WAS-thoughts: I never loved her, we shouldn’t have been married and so on…and I belived that dating was the answer. I lost my 20s, never dated, few GF, then W at 24.
(I drowned myself in dating to catch up those 20s. I did extremely good in catching up on 20s but unfortunately very bad in catching up on me. IMO I pay the bill now! I felt I changed, that I realized my faults and that I knew who I was – but all of it was just a reflection of my success with women. I have never been good at this and suddenly I simply had it all.)

Reading T I saw many of my thoughts at that time in his posts but not now after reading the answers so even though I would love to help out this isn’t the right direction.


T, The people that advise you mostly in here have been DB’ing and growing for a long time, they are older than you, they have seen it all in here, they have lived a lot of it themselves and therefore they are in a different place than you. I believe in that lies a part of the problem when you feel that nobody sees this your way. The advices they give are solid but I wouldn’t have been able to comprehend these 10 years ago. I do now – 43 years old and in the middle of my second D.

It is still my opinion that a new R right now wouldn’t be good – you have to look into these feelings and find the reason for them being there!

I feel like it's not something I would be able to just hold in and get past from where I am now.

Do give it a try before you surrender to your feelings. You – if any – have the ability to control you!
Be single for a period of time. Learn to enjoy this! You need to get a life and then date – dating won’t get you a life! It might give you some good times and possibly a new R but that’s not a life in itself. You need to expand the group of people you socialize with first, find a solid place where T feels joyful and CONTENT by himself – then you date till dark gets light and hopefully an everlasting romance (W or not W) appears in the horizon.

F

I appreciate the input F


I feel like I have already lived long periods of time like this. Before W and for the last 12 months on and off. The person you see before you isn't someone who has made choices in his own life, not without massive input from others before he did anything.
I have a choice in front of me now and the one I have chosen to do does go against the grain in here but I have made the choice and I stand by it.
I may come across as ignorant or that my choice is poor one. The 25 year old T1000 wouldn't have made that choice, he would have listened to everyone and then felt mixed up and done nothing.

I'm changing from a scared intimated person to a an independent thinker that makes choices. That is good for me. It's something I have never done. It concerns me if I don't carry on with my momentum I may lose it.

I have more of a life than I have ever had. I'm best dressed, best shape, more confident and decisive than I thought I could be.

The advice on here is solid. It's some of the best advice I have ever received. It's changed my life. It's good advice for anyone at any time not just during marital heartbreak.

I feel like W and I are done. Not because we could never get back together. I believe it is possible just like it has always been.
W has a lot issues, issues I find hard to believe she will knuckle down and work on.
This personal issue of mine will be here ready to cause damage, in R with W or anyone else. If I could put the feeling away and never worry about it again I would.


I would much rather have this issue possibly done and dusted and be where I am right now than be improved in another way but still have this issue.
To me it's more important.