I love long weekends. Finally get a chance to catch up.
You sound thoroughly fed up and angry and I do not blame you. I think up some truly hideous tortures for xSO that I can't help but wonder if I was an inquisitor in a former life.
Dawn, just offering a bit of a different perspective here. You said that you feel you wouldn't be true to you if you did not stop caring for him. I know that you used the words treating humanely but your actions are those of caring for him. In my opinion your H is thoroughly enjoying playing the victim here. For whatever reason, he appears to be content to let you keep him as some kind of pet while he howls about his troubles that he has no intention of working toward fixing.
Dawn we KNOW that you are a kind and compassionate person. You are not acting I compassionately by forcing him - yes forcing him - to look after his own sorry butt. Enabling behaviour is not heathy for anyone. Compassion and enabling should not be confused. Ask anyone who grew up or lived with a severe alcoholic.
I know it feels very wrong. For me letting go of the belief that I could somehow fix or control someone else was and still is a difficult thing to do. If you truly want him out, you need the wherewithal to act like it. Snodderly gave some good suggestions. Remember as well that self-respect and self-preservation is also part of who you are.
I sure hope I didn't sound too preachy. I very much wish the best for you and am in your corner whatever you choose.
