Moving forward together from a mess

[cbtdad]

Thanks for that advice on validating UR!
I am trying to my best to continue to work on my patience. It is something I consciencely think about everyday. Things have been going very well for the most part. A couple of things have been extremely difficult, but they are getting better. The worse part about moving to where we moved to is there are reminders that trigger me all the time. Driving by a hotel I know she stayed at with OM. Going to a park a couple weeks ago where I know she was at horse show with him. I have to drive by a place a know they ate at almost everyday. It's gotten better, but it still pops up in my mind. W struggles with understanding why i still think about it since she says she is completely past it and its a part of her life she wishes she could just take out. She is very good about being able to bottle things up and move on. On the other hand i like to talk about my feelings and get things out. This is where we get in trouble a lot of the times. I know I just need to let it all be in the past, but I'm just not there.
The other thing I am still struggling having patience with is the lack of intimacy. I have always had a very strong sex drive, w not so much. But I am also not dumb to think it wasnt hot and heavy during her days with OM.
I know she had a lot bigger sex drive going on then because the few times I snooped on her laptop she had been looking at porn.
We have had sex once in 3 months since we started working on things. It really is hard because she just doesn't seem to want me to touch her. I mentioned in MC last week that I could not be in a sexless marriage and she just shrugged.
I am having a hard time with this and it's something I plan on bringing up again tomorrow in MC office. It's so hard because its not like I can "get her in the mood" since she doesn't like physical touch. So basically i just have to ask if she wants to have sex and everytime I'm rejected my self esteem gets shot and I begin to think whether she really wants this or not.
If she doesn't actively start trying to fix this I don't think I can make this work.
I know it will take time, but I just don't see her even trying